mEmOriEs aRe sUppOseD to bE hAppY

2011-05-09T00:46:00.001+08:00

Still in a mourning mood..

Why George Yeo of all people?

Haizz..

I'm glad Dr Vivian Balakrishnan won Holland-Bukit Timah GRC..if not I'll be even sadder.

Haizzzzzzz...

2011-05-07T11:05:00.003+08:00

Just saw this comment on an article on Yahoo! Singapore, and I can't confirm its authenticity, but if it's true, after reading it, can you NOT BE OUTRAGED?!?!?!

Well I am!!!! I'm paying this huge amount to study overseas not because I want to show off, but just because I can't get into a freaking Uni in Singapore. Maybe that is a result of me not being smart enough, not getting good grades enough to qualify, but this is utter bollocks, rolling out a red carpet to foreigners to go to Singapore to study, all expenses paid and with pocket money too?!?!??!?! What the freaking fuck is this!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shouldn't the government be spending the money helping people like me, helping us become smarter so that we can, at some point in our life, make a better living for ourselves? At this rate, what chance do we have of getting a better job to support our families in the future, when we'll just be fighting a losing battle against these free-loaders who are smarter than us, and getting head-hunted by companies?

It's amazing how they're surprised why students who study overseas, or other people for that matter, decide to get PR in the countries they are in instead of going back to Singapore. Maybe ALL Singaporeans should migrate elsewhere, so that the government can get all the foreign people they want onto Singapore soil. Then they can go use or find their own money instead of taxpayer's money to recruit all these free-loaders and send them here on golden pillows. Very soon, these free-loaders will be thinking that all Singaporeans are stupid so our government has to bring them here to fill the Uni places. Or maybe they're already doing that.

This is fucking crap.

Source: Yahoo! Singapore

Available at: <http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/guide-polls-7-may-074928401.html>

Commented at: Fri 06 May 2011 10:49 SGT by A

I just extract this out from 1 of the post!!!

THIS IS TOO MUCH TO TAKE!!

PM Lee, care to explain why? An extract from MyCarForum on 3 May 2011...
---
though i am very against the influx of FTs, i still treat them like a fellow being and have never look at them with a different perspective.
i was having lunch with a PRC colleague. shes a 24yr old gal who just graduated from NTU and now working in a MNC while waiting for PR approval.
just started a casual topic like, wad do u like about this country and how are u coping so we get the standard reply. wad stuns me, was the answer to my next question.
me: " so wad makes u decide to come here"
PRC: " i didnt"
me: " wa, ur parents force u here or ur bf is here"
PRC: "neither, ur SG gahment invited us here"
me: " huh, wad do u mean"
PRC: " ur MOE went to our school in our village and told us they URGENTLY need students here, infact they were hardselling the whole scheme and many of us signed up"
me: " huh, wad did they offer"
PRC: " they offer us, ALL Expenses paid for our fees in NTU, including lodging and we even get pocket money"
me: *mouth open
PRC: "on top of that, they have send me the INVITATION letter to apply for PR after we grad"
i seriously begin to wonder the magitude of the FT problem has many more sides that many of us do not know,
i lose my pride as a sgporean after hearing this and i really wonder do they really care ?
if u give a PR who starts a business here and bring jobs to sgporeans, by all means.
BUT if u choose to so-call groom a FT and seemingly used up tax payers money to fund it, i totally do not understand the reason why.
my guess is, they bring in more FTs, give them the candy and they bring in more FTs, which i belive is working because she told her friends about this scheme and many of her friends are here now, at the expenses of home-grown sgporeans.
i myself was deprived the chance of studying in a local U.
but yet a villager from a faraway land with no visible society contributions gets the chance of studying here, all expenses PAID.
are we really worth this much to the gahment ? is it really we got not enough pple here to study in NTU ? then why are they rejecting sgporeans who meet the pre-requisites ?

*(Pls help repost this for all awareness. appreciate!).. how m wish the OPP win 50% in parliment , and bring this issue up query our MIW!

2011-05-05T00:42:00.003+08:00

Recent events have got me thinking...When you told me about that thing a few months back, I kind of told myself that I was ok with it, though I also knew the consequences of that. Now, I'm finding it hard to be your friend, not because I'm angry or jealous, but because I knew then that things would change. The plans we made before, I have no idea what to make of it anymore. It's a matter of whether you want or stay here, or you want to go somewhere else. I asked you and you said you don't have concrete plans yet. I'm not sure you know for sure, but my plans will depend on what you decide, and I guess an answer soon would be nice.

It's like a roller coaster ride and it's driving me a tad crazy. There are days when I feel like everything is alright, and there are also days where I find that our friendship is too important to lose, and knowing that once we go our own ways, we'll probably never get to meet again and it isn't a really nice feeling. There's this sense of awkwardness nowadays sometimes, when you and I mention about what we're going to do, and it's like no one wants to state the definite, and the question just hangs in the air. It's like we're afraid that saying something concrete about the future will offend the other. Well, that's my opinion anyway.

I don't really know what to make of the situation and how to rectify it, and that is distracting me from all other matters. I really hope we'll be able to make a decision soon, no matter what happens in the end. The selfish me really hopes you will decide to stay here and stick to our original plan, but I also have to acknowledge that the situation has changed. I will admit I am so afraid of losing you after building up this friendship we have, but the rational part of me concedes that that is a certainty I have to face sooner or later. Maybe I will grow to regret saying this now, but no matter what you decide from now on, I will accept your decision.

2011-05-02T00:45:00.003+08:00

With election fever heating up in Singapore, where rallies of opposition parties get huge turnouts, speckled with emotional scenes, I can't help but be bemused by it all.

This should have been my first Election, but here I am in Perth, attempting to complete my Honours year of my Chemical Engineering Degree, looking from miles away as everything occurs back home. The only information I get about the Election comes from Yahoo! Singapore and oh my gosh, am I not joking when I say I'm swarmed by the number of parties that have emerged. Not just the numerous parties, but also the names of them, and which candidate is from what party. It was much easier in the past when there was just PAP, WP, SDP (not even sure I got the last 2 right, and those are the only ones I remember).... Oh, but I have to admit I'm not that interested in politics and that the only party I am more familiar with is PAP.

This year, flipping through the pages on Yahoo! Singapore, I have reached a point where I have given up trying to follow what is going on, only clicking on those that interest me, like the huge turnouts at the rallies.

If I had to choose something that has really struck a chord in me, I would say it was the picture of Mr Chiam See Tong in a photo with the people from his party. He was slouched over, remnants of the aftermath of the stroke he suffered, and in my opinion, should be retired and sitting at home enjoying the golden years. Seeing his hardworking attitude, determination to participate in this election, showed how much the welfare of the people meant to him. The same can be said for our Minister Mentor Mr Lee Kuan Yew. Even though I was not born in the era to know and experience firsthand of what he has done for Singapore, I still seriously believe that Singapore would not be what it is today if it was not for him. For that I deeply respect and salute him.

As I mentioned before, I have no interest in politics, in choosing sides, and I don't really care which party wins what as long as they are able to do their jobs properly. The only thing I am interested in, is what the individuals are up to (especially the ones I am familiar with), and not what the party as a whole does.

Something that puzzles me, is why some people would want to migrate away from Singapore. What is there not to like about Singapore?? Some say they don't like how Singapore is ruled by the one and only party, PAP (Like...so what??? Does that reduce your quality of life? Is it life-threatening? Does that cut some years off your lifespan??). Some don't like the education system cause it's stressful for the children (PLEASE, since when is school not stressful?!?! and I'm pretty sure the child's not going to stay in school for the rest of their life). Some ridicule Singapore by saying why do we need an army since an atomic bomb can make the whole island disappear (which is true....but we shall not entertain that thought and it's sure damn cool when such a small country can have such an advanced army).

If somebody has decided they don't like Singapore, and have decided to migrate to other countries, and find that life away from Singapore is better, then so be it. I don't get why some people find it necessary to criticize Singapore. Oh so now that you have migrated to say, for example Australia, you feel that you are a cut above the other Singaporeans just because you now belong to a Caucasian country instead of an Asian one? Bullshit is what I would say to your face. Some people should stop trying to act all high and mighty, cause at the end of the day, even if you have given up Singapore citizenship, you are just another Asian on foreign soil. This paragraph is especially aimed at the younger generation who has lived in Singapore, but whose family migrated when they were still young.

I for one, will always maintain that your heart will remain where your family and friend ties are, and for the younger generation who have migrated away from Singapore, your ties are the ones you have formed in your migrated country, and that is fine. Just shut up and do not criticize Singapore just because you don't have such fond memories. It's just irritating.

That being said, I am considering working here in Australia after I graduate and applying for PR, but Singapore will always be the place that I would ultimately return to, for that is where Home is, and always will be.

2011-04-26T19:35:00.002+08:00

its raining in Bunbury right now...whee!! how i love rain..haven't fulfilled my dream of walking in the rain yet though.. :P one day i shall!

left Perth on monday noon and arrived in Bunbury in the evening...in my $6000, 2000 Hyundai Accent!! was a little apprehensive at first, didn't know if my car was going to survive the 2 hrs drive down South...hahaa but it was a good drive, though hot....and i was so afraid my car tyres would burst halfway....but it did held on! now i hope that it would survive the trip back to Perth on friday...it has too!!! especially when i young teenagers in the car with me....young life at stake..!!!

went to Bunbury forum to shop today..didn't buy much stuff though..and spent the rest of the noon making a balloon Papier Marche for Aunty Jac's birthday party this coming Saturday at Uncle Mark's place.

oh oh...and i'm learning Mauritian Creole at the same time...it's like this is a Creole learning camp..at Uncle Paul's place..rofll finished dinner and washing up early today...was sitting here typing this and then realised it's only 730pm!!! usually back at home, by the time we finish dinner it'll already be 830pm thereabouts...

okieeee will update again soon....and by soon, i mean like the next time that i feel like blogging......which is hard to put a timeframe on... hahahaa

byeee!!

2011-04-06T01:35:00.001+08:00

i dont know if people do fall in love with strangers in their dreams,

but i think i did.

please appear in my dreams again tonight, stranger.

LOL i AM going crazy... -.-

2011-03-04T22:13:00.002+08:00

on a turn of events, my near future is hazy yet again. not what i want to know, but oh well, everybody leads their own life right? haha

and though i want to believe it will turn out different, but going through it once, i have no reason to believe otherwise unless proven wrong.

Till then......all the best...

2011-02-11T00:38:00.004+08:00

my life is in the pits right now......zzzzzzz

on a lighter (and more sinister) note: that slice of honeydew my mum bought ytd was so tasteless and unsweet, that even the ants that have been invading my table the last few days ignored the plastic bag (which i had forgotten to throw away) the honeydew was in...... -.-

HOW NICE.... lolll

2011-02-08T01:15:00.002+08:00

all of a sudden,

i just miss your hugs sooooo much more..

2011-02-05T02:21:00.002+08:00

i just recently realised im quite allergic-ic. for the past 2 years, i have been feeling unwell most of the time with a painful stomach. at first i thought it was just a temporary thingy, but last year, it seemed to get worst. almost everyday after dinner, i will feel all this gas welling up inside my stomach, and sometimes its so bad that it causes sharp, piercing cramps.

one would think with all the gas inside, i will fart alot, but weirdly i dont, its either i will keep burping (luckily it doesnt smell at all, if not my cousins will be screaming at me everyday) or it gets trapped there, and i can literally hear my stomach rumbling loudly as the gas moves around, kinda sounds like the noises your stomach makes when you're hungry. though burping is irritating in its own way, i dont mind it at all, since the gas thats trapped makes me feel nauseous and very uncomfortable instead, especially when it nears bedtime since its so uncomfortable i cant get to sleep, which further exacerbates the problem. interestingly, drumming my fingers on my tummy creates this really really hollow sound...

i attribute all the gas generated to the cold weather, and certain gas-creating food, especially onions, which my cousin loves, and hard to avoid since they cook it in almost EVERY other dish. i try to dig them out whenever there are big pieces and just ignore the small pieces, but since it has been cooked in the food, it doesnt lessen the gas, or my pain in any way. i dont want to deny them of their onions because of me, so i chose to say that i don't eat onions, when basically, the truth is that i dont want to eat it cause i know it will cause me pain afterwards. even if they offer to cook an un-onioned portion for me, or reduce the amount of onions they use, i will still refuse their offer cause it just makes me uncomfortable troubling them like that, especially since its one of their most favourite food.

finally decided to go get it checked out last week, and the doctor said that i had a sensitive digestive system, namely sensitive stomach and sensitive intestines which is causing this whole problem. i dont really know how to tell them that i cant take onions since now they will just think that im creating this problem and saying i cant take onions just because i dont like it. i think maybe ill just tell them that they can continue cooking their onions, and ill just get something else to eat, or eat the dishes without onions. hmmm..

HAIz..

as for my dermographism, i think.....sadly....i may have to give up my favouritest prawns soon.. :((

2011-02-03T22:39:00.002+08:00

since i have been able to accept her, i hope that the rest will be able to, no matter how much they dont like the way things are now..even i dont really want this, but at this moment in my life, im willing to embrace it, and maybe, i already have.

no matter how much we all wish things could go back to how it was, but since its not to be, then i pray that they will welcome her with open arms too..seeing that she doesnt speak fluent english, its hard to communicate somehow but i just wish they will not ostracise her..or dislike her for the things she has done..though i was angry that time too, but at the end of the day, a choice has been made, and she's already part of the family.

if i (the one who should be against it the most) am able to accept her, and sympathize with her, i dont see why the others cant do the same. all that i want is for everyone to be happy, and not bear grievances over past matters, and just embrace the future.

at the very basic, this is my own family we're talking about, and all i really want is for everyone to be happy and get along well.

i dont know why, but everytime i see her, i feel....kinda sad..n..pity that she has to step into somebody else's shoes. and a real pity that those shoes are really really big, and really hard to match up to the standard that has been set. the bar has been set high, and im not entirely sure she can even do half of wad has already been done.

maybe its with this feeling that i can empathize with her. maybe i have to make the first step to connect with her, so that the others can see that im alright with it, that they will too, feel easy with her. i know that i will never address her, but as friends? im cool with that.

i really hate this half here half there situation where i have to think of the balance of harmony on both sides. why cant we all move on and be happy???

WHY is it me that has to bear this burden?!!?

2011-01-21T22:30:00.004+08:00

today, a memorial service for Graham was held at Subi Church. I had the opportunity to watch the proceedings online via live streaming. It was a time for reflection, a time for people close to him to tell others of all the great things that Graham had done in his short time on earth. It was moving, it was sad, but most of all, i felt it was motivational and encouraging. As his brother Ben said, he lived life to the fullest, and wanted to excel at everything he ever did. They spoke about his fighting spirit, ranging from sports, card games, board games, from the day he was diagnosed till the day God called him home, he never gave up fighting.

At the end of the proceedings, as they wheeled the casket out of the door, this heartwrenching thought flashed across my mind: this will be the last, final time Graham will be 'walking' out of the doors of the church he spent nearly half his life at, the church he loved ever so much.

But then immediately, another thought interrupted: no, that's wrong. the casket they wheeled out no longer contained Graham, it was only a empty shell. Graham is with the Lord, the Lord resides in the church, and thus, Graham will always be there with us, in our hearts. He has never left, he will never leave, he will always live on inside of us.

It is now time for us to remember who he was, and what he did, and tell those things to the ones who never got to meet him, but who will, one day in Heaven.

till then..

goodbye and see you again, Graham.

2011-01-20T03:09:00.003+08:00

from the very first day, i've never gotten the feeling that your heart was really in it. haha and it's not your fault seriously..

i will never try to be someone i'm not, and if you're using past experiences to compare me with, i will tell you straight i will never pass your test, nor will i ever want to.

haha, its been such an irony, and time and situation sure has a strange method of playing with people.

i thought finally everything had been set right. not.......really...

maybe one day i'll make it, maybe i won't.

but it doesn't matter does it.

till then..

2011-01-18T23:14:00.002+08:00

every week when i receive the email bulletin on email, i always open the email with apprehension, thinking what news will it bring this week, and every time when i see one with Graham's name, i just sort of tense up, not knowing what to expect, wanting to hear good news, and every time, that's what it is, good news.

few weeks back, Pastor Mike sent out an email saying Graham was not very well, that there was fluid in his lungs and he was in the hospital and everything, but after a few days, was better and discharged. felt relieved that he was feeling better.

then...today...when i opened my email, again i saw Graham's name on the subject title, and my heart started beating faster once again. i was thinking 'pls let it be good, pls let it be good' as i clicked on the email.

but this time, it was not to be. it said that Graham had went to be with the Lord last night. I can't say i know Graham very well personally, and i dont usually go around initiating conversation with people, but Graham, after all, was our Senior Pastor and i can say that he's a great, charismatic guy, confident, passionate about Christ, and his sermons were never boring. its just the opposite.

I remember there was once i was reading the noticeboards after service and he was standing at the door greeting people, and most people would just ignore somebody like me standing there reading something, but no, he came over, smiled and actually chatted with me. That was a heartwarming experience, having the Senior Pastor personally talking to me, and it showed how nice and down-to-earth a guy he was.

his mesothelioma diagnosis shocked us all when it was announced last year in June because he looked so healthy before we knew better. it was very encouraging to experience his optimistic outlook, high spirits, and absolute faith in God throughout the whole ordeal, but now, he is finally pain free.

As we look back, we will remember Graham, and all he has done for us, for Subi Church, and most of all, for God. I'm sure Graham is smiling right now, at being able to meet his Creator face to face, pain-free and worry-free. I pray for Tracy, Paige and Carson, that they will be able to find love, strength, and comfort in this time of sadness, from their loved ones and from the people around them. There will be a day when we will all be united in one Kingdom again.

As 2 Timothy, Chapter 4, Verse 7 says: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

R.I.P Graham.

2011-01-14T01:17:00.002+08:00

why is it that when i have what i want, it feels like im just holding an empty shell?

things have changed & maybe i should have left it as it was instead.

whats the point of it all, im just making myself miserable.

dumbass me -.-

2010-11-05T23:43:00.002+08:00

there are days like today, when i think about what i am doing with my life, in this case studying. and i start thinking, what if my results are not good enough, or i am not good enough, to get a job. even a low paying one. then what in the world am i supposed to do? and i think about it so much that i actually start to panic a little.

what if the economy is so bad, and i am so bad, that no one wants to employ me.. arghhhhh stupid insecurites..

i worry........

2010-09-12T17:17:00.003+08:00

so much for trying to be nice,
to do the best i can.

a little appreciation would be nice,
but i feel so discouraged.
even if i hadn't done the perfect job,
but i don't think i've done that badly
to deserve the indifferent attitudes you've given me.

i am expecting too much again, damn.

2010-08-30T22:29:00.002+08:00

the more i read,
the more i study,
the more i realise how much more thing i do not know,
or weren't even aware of.
and then i read up more,
and realised, HEY, i still don't have a clear idea on what's happening.

and i'm not even talking about the very theory stuff like Newton's law
or whatever principles in engineering.

it's more like the production based side, like the different processes
used in chemical engineering, practical stuff that actually means
or is useful in real life. things that can be seen and felt.

it makes me realise..
OH SHIT,
i'm so going to fail in my profession.

2010-08-24T01:00:00.004+08:00

he finally said it.
because he had no choice but to say it.
so what now?
did i ever thought it would make me feel better?
am i supposed to feel better?
do i feel better?

everything's still stays the way it is.
saying it doesn't change the years of the past.
so what was i expecting?
a sense of relief?
for the weight to roll off my shoulders?

i kidded myself into thinking i've picked up my life.
i thought i really did,
but i didn't account for the bumps,
and here i still am, on that rocky road called recovery.

all along, i've been crawling,
and i know it's time to get up, to walk, to run.
but its hard,
it's hard.

putting on a smile,
it's became second nature,
even through the tears.
and you know you've gotten used to it all,
when you feel your cheeks getting wet,
but then you ask yourself......
am i crying?

i'm sorry
i'm sorry i couldn't do anything
i'm sorry..
for me, just being ordinary me.

2010-07-07T15:19:00.003+08:00

when i think about it, no matter what happens, no one can replace you..it makes me feel better knowing that when i'm feeling down, i can always turn to you, and you'll always be there..sometimes we can make big mistakes in choosing friends in life, but know what, even if you were (you'll never be, dun wry hehe) a mistake in my life, you'll always be my favouritest big mistake.

thankyou :)

2010-06-22T23:19:00.002+08:00

dear ah ma,

i remember many years ago i was staying at your house, and you started crying so hard, asking why did all this happen, that why he couldn't be given another chance, saying what are you going to do now that we are gone. those were some of the very questions that i was asking myself too and i wanted to tell you that he was already given alot of chances, and that we will always still be here, only that we won't be there for reunion dinners as a complete family anymore, but i kept quiet. i kept quiet and listened to your words and your sobs, crying too as i continued doing what i was doing, face turned away from you, hearing but not wanting to hear what you were saying.

even though we weren't the ones in the wrong, it just feels like we have let you down so much. amongst them all, you were the only one who cried, and that showed how much it affected you, and also how much you loved us, not bearing to let us go. every CNY, without fail, you would ask us to go back for dinner, but in the end, i would be the only one going, and i could see and hear the disappoint on your face as you ask me year after year, 'so she's not coming, busy with work?' there was once she hinted she wanted to come, but i think there are too many strings attached that prevents her from doing so. ah ma, i am disappointed too, i am sad too. even though it would probably be very awkward with the 2 of them around, but what i would give for her to come, to have everybody together again for that 1 night, 1 night if that is all i would get. just 1 night where i can pretend everything's back to normal, and i would forever cherish that very moment till the day i breathe my last.

when daddy called to tell me what happened last sunday, i felt....normal, but now after processing what he said, it made me think long and hard about you, and it just linked to all of that stuff. i know how frightening it must be for you right now, and i could hear it in your voice when i spoke to you that day. you sounded like you were going to cry, and i feel your pain too, but i just didnt know how to express myself to you properly. i know i've always been your favouritest grandchild, and still am, even after everything that happened, and you've always treated me so well that even my aunties have jokingly complained about it.

mummy met you a few times over the years at the market, she told me you look happy to see her, and im happy that the kinship has not been lost, also that mummy said after all, we're still family. im just glad she understands. mummy went to see you at the hospital today, and she said you teared up as you told her what happened to you, probably cause you were scared, and you started crying when you two talked about me. ah ma, it makes me cry knowing you care so much about me even though you are the one not doing well. i'm alright and doing well over here, so pls dont be worried for me. i should be the one worrying about you instead.

i would never have the guts to tell you this face to face, but here, i am going to say, i love you ah ma, thank you for loving me, loving us all this time, for hoping for the same things that i hope for, for hurting with us as we hurt. i pray that you will have a speedy recovery, and get strength back into your legs soon. pls do not feel scared or frightened, cause i believe that you will well real soon.

lastly, im sry i cant be there by your side to comfort you cause of my own selfish fear of flying, im truly sry :'( and pls get well soon..

2010-06-15T01:37:00.003+08:00

do you realise that things usually happen when you're at your busiest and have no time to really process them?

been troubled by bits and pieces of news i'm receiving from home. and i've been forced to put them aside for the time being to concentrate on exams (which is progressing well enough thankfully), but yet the pressure and stress of having to study does not totally eliminate the troubled thoughts that strays into the midst of the mind while say, memorizing random equations like the Smoluckowski equation (Smoluckowski sounds like a dog's name) and things like electrophoretic mobility...HUH?!?!?!

all these things combined are driving me out of sync! i'm finding it increasingly hard to get to sleep at night nowadays, if not, i'll fall asleep and then wake up at random times in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. why!!!!

am going to try sleep now, gotta study for exams tomorrow, wasted the whole of today getting distracted! zzz

Also,
condolences to the Loke, Tay and Tang family.
especially the Tang's, as you come to terms with it all.
may you stand strong in the face of adversity.

2010-05-31T19:54:00.002+08:00

i wonder how long it will take them to realise that i absolutely hate to talk when i'm sick. especially when i have the flu, cause my voice goes weird, and i hate it to hear it. and then ppl will know im sick cause they can hear it too. haha and then they will start fussing over me, which i quite like actually (depends on who's the one fussing), cause their attention will be on me, but also dont like cause it's embarassing...such a contradiction..haha

of coz that does not apply in my mum's case. LOL she had better come fuss over me asap! haha

ok, basically,
im sick.
*sniff*

bye..

2010-05-27T22:47:00.002+08:00

im not much of a talker. especially to my grandparents. but that doesn't mean i dont love or respect them. just never been able to really communicate with them.no common topic i guess.

well, actually i used to talk abit to my grandfather. but after his stroke, i guess i kinda withdrew, and tried to minimise any 'alone' time with him. i know i will regret it one day, but something about the change in him scared me. seeing this strong healthy independent avid golfer become a living shadow of his previous self, depending on people for needs, it really shook me up then. he has recovered reasonably well, but his speech is slighted jumbled (another reason why, coz its hard to understand wad he's saying), and even though he can walk on his own, he's no longer as mobile as last time.

before the stroke he was always scolding people, and he actually mellowed alot after his stroke, which we're very happy about actually, but it seemed like the scolding genes have jumped over to my grandmother -.- not exactly scolding, but constant nagging that drives everyone crazy. we love her, she can be funny at times, but she can seriously drive us all crazy with her constant talking, which we joke about, saying that it could help prevent her from getting dementia since she always likes to complain about past things, which means her memory is always fresh :D

i guess we all kinda 'favour' and respect my grandfather more cause all along, he has always been the one working hard in his business, hanging out and playing golf with all the successful businessmen, building up a fortune back in the old days, working it up to where it is today, while my grandmother has always had the ultimate tai tai life (never having to work, cook or do housework), but still constantly complaining about things -.-

through these past years, i guess the stroke has been the wake-up call for him to slow down, and take a closer look at the surroundings which has zoomed by him for all these years, to just enjoy life, and not work that hard like he used to anymore. but he's not used to this kind of lifestyle..he's been busy all his life, and asking him to sit at home and relax, it's like torture to him. he's just that active, and just has to pop down to his shop, just to have something to do. especially if staying at home means having to hear the broken radio go on and on complaining and complaining about stuff.

things are not rosy at the moment, and hearing from mummy about the stuffs my grandmother gets up to, it actually pains me to know that he can't even enjoy life in his old age. won't you just let the man have some well-earned peace for once?

haiz..is that anything that i can do to help, ANYTHING at all???
its frustrating, and i feel useless...arghhhh..

2010-04-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

the contradiction of wanting to know,
yet not wanting to carry the burden of knowing.

i dont know what to do.

dont mind being strong for others to depend on,
in fact i want people to rely on me,
but for now,
im just tired.

can someone be my strength till i get mine back?

2010-04-22T16:16:00.005+08:00

walked past her room today.
they've taken down her room plate.
to see it gone, make me feel so....down.

so....what's after life?

nothing?

2010-04-19T16:15:00.003+08:00

i still remember her teaching us fluid mechanics, about mach numbers, and lots of other very aerodynamical stuffs. though we didn't have a whole semester of lessons under her, but from the way she talked, the way she carried herself, you could tell that she was a very nice woman, always looking very happy. though whatever she taught me, i had a hard time understanding (just like every other lessons i go to =x), but i liked her. she was nice, IS nice.

when i first heard that she had passed away, there was this sense of disbelief. how can it be!!, when i saw her just a week before, looking exactly like she always did, and she even gave us a brief smile as we walked past her. it was just hard to phantom...then the uni sent us an email confirming it. it was hard to take, how can someone so nice and young be gone just like that? even though i wasn't close to her or anything, but it was still sad to know she's gone.

went for her funeral service today..and even though i felt so out of place (only saw 2 or 3 others that looked like students), i'm very glad i went. it was beautiful, to say the least, to hear her sisters talk about her, and read bible passages and poems aloud, trying at the same to control their emotions. it was also nice to hear from her niece, who was staying with her at her house, talk about the life she led, about the kind of person she was. but the most heartwrenching part was hearing her daughter speak. i was too far back to see her, but apparently she's quite young, prolly below d age of 10 or thereabouts. she said a simple, 'I just wanted to say that she was the best mother anyone could have.', and that was enough to break hearts. many started tearing, and i had to do all i could to stop myself from doing the same. it was sad, it was heartbreaking, but beneath it all, it was sweet.

when i first received the email about her passing away unexpectedly, i was very curious about what had happened, and i got to know the answer at the service..and other stuffs too, but i will not be disclosing it out of respect of her and her family.

a passage from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 in the Bible was read during the service, and it says:

1 For everything there is an appointed time, and an appropriate time for every activity on earth:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot what was planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to search, and a time to give something up as lost; a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
7 A time to rip, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, a time to speak.
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

i will never forget you,
Dr Philippa O'Neill.

r.i.p.

2010-03-07T14:07:00.003+08:00

i dreamt of you last night.

we were back in the house, and it was exactly how i remembered it. the glass table, the chair you always hung your towel on, everything. you at the stove cooking your prawn egg omelette. the one that always somehow turned out with the prawn and egg separated. it was a failure of an omelette, but that, that was so you, only you could have made it that way, even when mummy tried to make it like you did, she couldn't. there was something else after that, but i cant remember what anymore.

when i opened my eyes, in that groggy state, i was expecting to be back in my old bed, listening to the songs coming from the living room..but hey, it was a different room, a different place, with no songs, except that freaking irritating magpie crowing outside my window. i can remember so many things about you, and some of the memories have started to fade, but that prawn omelette and song playing has remained so vividly stuck in my mind.

i saw the pictures that time, you knew i saw the pictures, but you didnt mention anything. did you want to say something to me? tried to say something, but couldnt get it out? didnt know how to say it? i would understand if that was what happened, cause that's exactly how i felt. i wanted to ask you about it, wanted to congratulate you, wanted to tell you im happy for you. but i couldnt....i knew i would have fallen apart, start crying just by saying those words. it was like re-confirming everything that was wrong about this separate lives we were leading. it wasn't supposed to be this way and we shouldn't have been thinking of having that conversation at all.

have you really moved on? can you truthfully say you're happy now? if you're happy, i'll be happy for you too. and pictures dont lie, you didnt look exactly overjoyed in them, or was i reading too much into it? and i also saw the neoprint of the 3 of us in the drawer..have you looked at it and wondered as i did, what might and could have been? i can always picture you, lying alone on that bed at night..and i will always wonder, what do you think of just before you fall into sleep? who do you think of? do you think of us?

you've both moved on, but know something?.... im still stuck in the rut. ive tried, but at the end of the day, that's exactly where i end up again. as time goes by..the memories fade...but it doesn't heal anything, doesnt make the tears go away, doesnt make the hurts hurt less, doesnt make it all better. some days are wonderful, but there are also days when seeing something, smelling something, going somewhere reminds me of you, of everything that's wrong with this life im leading. you seem to think everything's rosy on our side, but you can't be more wrong. she's unhappy there, i'm unhappy she has to be there, and it's just.....hell. his presense should have brought some balance back into our lives, but has it?

all these years, ive carried hopes that maybe one day, no matter how impossible it may seem, we'll end up together again, just the 3 of us, just like before everything happened. and it hurts like mad, knowing that's not a possibility anymore, though nothing can stop me from clinging onto that hope.

i guess this is now the part where i sum it up, the part i congratulate you, say im happy for you, take proper care of her, love her with all your heart, give her kid the happy, blissful life you couldnt give me, keep that neoprint locked away, and please...never forget us, and i'll always love you.

goodbye you, goodbye hope.

2010-03-02T23:19:00.003+08:00

i hate to see unhappy stuffs happening to people.

and i hate myself more for not being able to do anything abt it.

when am i going to stop running away, and stop pretending the world's a happy place?

life is short, it is indeed, and i should cherish it,

but seriously?

i hate it.

r.i.p

2010-02-23T22:50:00.002+08:00

finally back in aussieland!

its kinda rlly hot right now..zzz but it's kinda good to be back too..looking forward to autumn, and totally not missing summer right nw..will be going down south to margaret river tmr tho, so hopefully it wud be cooler!

sch supposedly started tis wk, but im giving myself a wk off to go travelling with mummy :) tho that also means that i will have a wk's amt of work and ilecs to catch up on. aww..but its probably worth it..

being back with the cousins, and non-cousin, is good..the constant crap that we talk about and the laughin, it allows me to escape from thinkin about stuffs that i should not have had to bother with, much less know about..but then, i think i would rather know, and be troubled, than not knowing at all. ok, i duno, its messy -.-

was kinda sad he wasnt there to send me off at the airport, though it probably would have made everything awkward once again..zzz..damnit, when is this just going to end. why cant they just act like normal people..it's easy for them, ignoring each other, but i'm the one trapped in the middle, i'm the one always being the messenger, at the same time trying to pacify either side. zzz enough complaining.

am waiting for non-cousin's sms...and then it's a call and im off to bed..moving out at 8 tmr..gotta wake early!! nights people..

2010-02-14T02:32:00.003+08:00

lalala driving test: conquered!
hehe...im happy...happy....happyyyyyyyy CHINESE NEW YEAR!
and Happyyyyyy Valentine's to all singles and couples out there!

haha was really nervous before my test warmup tdy..made a few minor mistakes but felt better after that! got 12 demerit points for the actual zzzzz mostly for failin to check the rear view mirror before slowing =x=x my bad habit..

and luckily there were lesser cars on the road today since most of the factories are closed BUT!!!!! that stretch of road along Ubi that sells alot of roasted pork/chix/duck products, there was so many cars illegally parked there coz ppl were collecting their purchases AND i had to do my U-turn there and my path was blocked by them, which means that i had to stop behind them, reverse, and then turn right to go again, which was a pain because i dont even know if that was allowed, so much so i thought i was going to fail cause of that zzz haha but it turned out to be quite funny cause when we were in the testor room after the test, i heard my testor complaining to another testor about who said that stretch of road has less cars when there were so many cars parked there..lol ANDDD he mentioned that he was going to call his colleagues to that area to book those illegally parked cars. wakakaaa...

but oh wells, i passed anyway!!! muahaha...and my mum insisted i drive straight after that, to build up confidence she said 0.o even made me go on the highway which was scary initially...she practically made me driver of the day (or days from nw on) today. we went from novena where she finished her tuition, to go back home...and then from home to Sengkang for reunion dinner, then from Sengkang to Chinatown and then back home again, which we reached at around 2am..zzz i didnt fall aslp at the wheel!!! hahaha

ok, im off to bed now....will be slping soundly tonight! hahahaa
nights people, and Happy CNY once again! =D

2010-02-11T15:26:00.003+08:00

yet another hour, yet another day.
played my last badminton match of the chinese new (old) year..
and i'm going to miss it so much.
3 months has flown by just in a blink of the eye, and in 8 days time,
i'll be on the plane and on my way back to aussieland.

when i was still in aussieland, i told people that i preferred s'pore to there
because it was more accessible, food or transport wise. however, when i
got back here, i preferred aussieland more, haha what a contradiction. i think
it was cause of the heat, BUT, as time passed, i realised i preferred s'pore once again.
seems like i just can't make up my own mind. i've been thinking what made me change
my mind so many times, and i think i know why now.

i would say that i'm able to adapt quite well to changes, so as long as
i'm used to one place, i'll start thinking that that place itself is better hence the
always changing mindset. by being back in singapore, i started to realise the stuffs
that i've missed out on while i was away. many of you would think that food would
be a huge factor for me just because i love to eat (i'm fat i know), but it never was.
i've said i can adapt and even if that means missing out on Char Kuay Teow and whatnots,
i still can. nonetheless, the food here is still much cheaper than in aussie. Of course, i
can't stop you from thinking that i'm lying and that food is most important to me.

i've been thinking whether i should stay on in aussieland to get my PR and to find work
once i've graduated, i would say the idea sounds tempting, especially since the pay
is generally higher. i've had many people say i would definitely stay there, get married
to an angmoh, and not come back anymore since angmo is better than local, and
OF COURSE, that is true. but would i do that? at the end of the day, no matter what
shortcomings, no matter what memories i have here (good or bad) or how inferior
people think s'pore is compared to aussie, this is where HOME is.
no matter how many years i would work there for, at the end of the day, this is where
i will come back to. why would i not? my friends are here, my badminton kakis are here
(HAHA how can i leave out badminton), my families ARE here.

there's only 1 condition in which i would stay permanently in aussie, and that is if
my mum manages to get her PR too.

or MAYBE, everything is said too early, and who knows, i may change my thinking
as time goes by hahaha. we'll see! ;p

8 days to go!...can't say i'm really really looking forward to it though. LOL

2010-02-01T03:39:00.003+08:00

"its not how much, but how you run in a court that makes the difference"....

badminton court that is....the very first time i played badminton was in sec sch, way back in sec 1 when we first started school and had to choose a CCA to join..we didnt really know each other yet then, but somehow the 6 of us girls agreed to join badminton tgt. i think all of them had played badminton in pri sch before, except for me. since we had to have a 'trial' before they allowed you to join, i thought i was definitely going to not make the cut, but somehow i did get accepted! all 6 of us did anyway, and amazingly, all 6 of us managed to get into the sch team out of 7 slots avail. (2 pairs of Doubles and 3 Singles). imagine when we had competitions and had to leave the class early..lol that was fun.

training was fun (but tiring), and maybe it was because we already knew each other from class so it seemed more fun. dont really rmb who was our first coach, but i rmb we had this coach from China, who always brought a whole loaf of bread in his bag 0.o haha he was a good coach, but not strict enough, thus he always got bullied by us =x=x hahhaa he would ask us to train but we would insist on playing matches instead and he had no choice but to let us. but of cause we did train too, and i would say i improved quite a lot under him, especially my footwork. he would always tell us that the very basic thing a badminton player should have, is good footwork. it is only with proper footwork that you will be able to cover the whole court, covering the distance in the shortest time possible, and giving yourself a good position to return your shot.

the coach after him probably didnt last for quite long, cause i sorta remember his face and nothing else...LOL! in sec 3, we got another coach, and i think the rest would agree with me that he was the best amongst the ones we had, in terms of building a rapport with us. he looked sorta of beng-ish, and he did managed to get us to listen to him unlike the china one. hahahah and he always came with very loose shoelaces (didnt tie them), and even played matches with us that way without the shoe flying off! i respect him!!..lol

when i first started in sec 1, as my skills back then were noob-ish compared to the rest, i had to play doubles, which was what i would choose even if i was good enough to play singles, cause i didnt want to have to run the whole court by myself! =x but over the year i improved quite alot, mainly cause this other girl was always trying to show that she was better than me and i wanted to be better than her just to goad over her (basically i just hate being lousier than others and i dont like to lose to other people, BIG ego im sry...lol) ..also, since a team of 7 has 3 singles slots, thus obviously only the 3 best players can play singles. hehehe rivalry...the good old days..

and my happiest day came when the teacher-in-charge, (a coach himself) told me i've improved alot too..and after speaking to the coach, and after having me play a match with the then-3rd singles (which i won)..they changed me from doubles to 3rd singles...wahahahaa even though i wasn't the best in the team, but i was happy enough that i was 3rd best and playing singles (even tho i had to run more)! what was even sweeter was that the girl was still stuck playing doubles...woots...first rivalry won!! hohohoo....maybe i have to thank her instead, as if it wasn't for her, i wouldn't have been at the standard i was back then. as i said before, i didnt like losing to others and i wanted to be the best, and i did manage to win against the 2nd singles. but when it came to the match against the 1st singles, she refused to play a proper match against me, purposely hitting wayward shots, wanting to let me win...i really wanted to know if i had become the best by winning against her, but since she didnt want to play properly, i didnt want to force it too, and i started hitting wayward shots too...LOL it turned out to be quite funny cause the coach knew we weren't serious and scolded us but we kept doing it haha.

but in the 4 years we didnt manage to win any competitions, and that in itself was a failure to me. the furthest we went was only quarter-finals in Sec 2 (when i was still playing doubles), and we could have gone to the semis, but guess who messed up? ME zzz

the competition consisted of 3 singles and 2 doubles games, with a single starting first, followed by doubles, singles, doubles, ending with singles again. as we were playing against a relatively good school, we decided to let our better players play last with the hope that the sch will send their strongest out first so that by the time our better players play, they will meet with weaker opponents, thus giving us a fighting chance to win. i remember that a few days before the match, i had an asthma attack and i definitely wasnt feeling at my best, but i thought that few days was enough for me to recover, and the day before the match i was feeling much better though i didnt have 100% of my strength. the teacher-in-charge even came to my class to ask if i was alright and if i would be able to play the next day, if nt he would put someone else in. i told him yes i felt alright, thinking the lack of strength part wasnt a problem.

our coach got the correct strategy, as they really did send their strong players out first, and we lost our first 2 matches, which meant that we absolutely had to win our last 3 matches as the team which won 3 matches out of the 5 would win the overall..which meant if we lost the 3rd match, then it would have been 3:0 and the last 2 matches would have became redundant since the other school would have already won. BUT we managed to win the 3rd match, thus setting the score at 2:1. the pressure was then on to my match cause if we lost, then it would be over. me and my partner usually played front and back instead of side by side since her netting was better than mine and i was better at controlling the back. needless to say, the lack of strength came back to haunt me, as everything i hit only reached the opponents' half court, giving them good oppurtunities to smash us, and when i had the oppurtunity, i just lacked the strength to execute a proper smash. no prizes for guessing that we lost the match, thus officially ending our semis hope.

yes, its no use crying over spilt milk, but even now i keep thinking what if i had told the teacher i wasnt feeling at my best, to ask him to put another player in, would we have won instead? what if we had still lost with me not playing, would the others have been angry with me for withdrawing from the squad as i looked ok except that i felt i didnt have the strength, thinking that since i was ok, we could probably have won with me playing?

thinking back to that match, i still feel guilty for causing us a semi spot, even though the others said
that it's not entirely my fault since we didnt win the first 2 matches anyway, putting pressure on the players in the last 3 matches. BUT im sure they could see how badly i played, heck, even i knew i played badly that day, and at a crucial period when we had to win our match, i stuffed up. big time.

that will always remain the lowest point of my sec sch badminton life. all i can say now is, what if?

well i stopped playing badminton after i graduated from sec sch. and just last yr end, i picked it up again, playing with a bunch of aunties and uncles, friends of my relative. and HEY! dont look down on them just because they are aunties and uncles ok....some of them are really very good, and even i lose to them! tsk tsk...

okie enough for now...its 6am!!! omigosh, didnt know i typed that long..nites!

2009-11-26T13:53:00.003+08:00

peoples.....im finally back in singapore!!

haha okieee..i didnt tell anyone i was coming back
coz it was supposed to be a surprise..hehe..
so dont be angry and say why you werent informed!

k.....contact me if you all want to meet up ba!

tada!

2009-11-15T00:52:00.002+08:00

have you ever encountered a situation, where smth has happened,
and to you, its smth that has really affected you, yet others will
think is nth at all, that you're making a fuss out of nothing?

i was thinking about it recently, and i guess i sorta came up with
my own logic for it. you see, different ppl have different priorities,
and have also gone through different setbacks in life. in a sense,
its rlly right to say it takes one to know another, which is to say,
only someone who has gone through the same thing you did, that
will fully understand your feelings, and your reactions regarding the
matter.

that doesnt mean to say ppl dont try to understand, its just that
they think they can, but in actual fact, they dont.. you can put
yourself into other ppl's shoes, but unless it happened to you too,
you will never be able to fully grasp the rationale, the emotions
behind it all.

k im too slpy..
will complete this another time if i feel lik it lol

nites!

2009-11-12T23:21:00.002+08:00

ive once had this weird dream,
and ytd, i dreamt of it again..

i dreamt that i was already back in singapore,
and i clearly rmbed thinkin to myself in the dream,
EH? how come i never take the plane, but im back in s'pore already?!?!
0.o

and last nite, the same thing happened again.

i think when im back in singapore,
ill wake up,
and still think that its all a dream,
and that im actually still in perth.
ROFL

2009-10-26T21:21:00.009+08:00

*blows blows*
*choke choke*
PHEW!

sry..very dusty here..lol

tdy marks the first day of my study break...
before exam hell breaks loose...
but most importantly....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LIAN!!!!!!
im sry i cant be there to celebrate ur bdae..
really really sry...
wish you all the best, and have a wonderful time eating!! hehe..

and to all my other friends aso!!
ill try to make it up to all of u when i get back! =D

and just like this,
uni is coming to an end!
well, this semester and year anyway...
got 2 more years to go...

its been a hectic year..
where assignments and reports and tests all come at the same time..
the record was 7 ongoing assignments and reports at one point!!
whoever said it was easier here should be slapped in the head.. -.-

but well...exams in a week's time..
and that's it!!
back to singapore for food..more food..more more food...
and badminton!! hehe...i seriously cant wait!!

exam timetable sucks once again..
last sem it started on the very first day (sat smmore),
and ended on the very last day...
this time round!!! 3 papers in 3 consecutive days!!
and den final paper 6 days away..
2nd, 3rd, 4th and 10th Nov...
zzzz sucky right...

oh wells....no use whinging..
shall just grit my teeth and get through it..
last sem...i initially thought i was going to fail 2 of 4 units..
but not only didnt i fail,
but ended up doing much much better than i expected!!..
that was a HUGE relief/surprise...
though it prolly was the result of scaling,
and not of my smartness or hardworkingness..
which if you know me well enough, i do not have...=)
hopefully this time round,
3 papers in 3 days won't kill me, or my results!! zzz

so many things have changed and happened this yr,
that returning back home will feel quite weird ...
grandparents have moved out of Seletar,
the very place where i have spent all family reunions
ever since i was born..
no longer will we eat steamboat in the house,
play sparklers and soccer and whatnots in the garden..
no more chiku tree which my ah gong planted specially for me..
no more rambutans from the tree at the back..
now all thats left is 21 years of memories..
cant help but feel sad when i think abt it =/

and i dont rmb if i mentioned it,
but sue went back to indonesia in july..=(
and now theres a new maid in the house,
and also a new maid with my grandparents too..
BUT!!! i'll get used to the changes somehow..
which i always do..

despite it all,
i cant wait to get back to singapore..
but then again, ill miss my wkend outings here!!
and the walks to the beach...and at the beach..
will be away for 3 months...
hopefully things will pick up where it left off when i come back..=/

the past few months have been great..more than great actually..
to say the truth, life would not have been any different
if our paths have never crossed,
but now,
it's impossible to imagine my life without you in it anymore..
i dont know where time and circumstances will lead us to
in the next few months or years,
but i thank you for all the memories,
the talks, the fun, the care..hehe
and everything else! =) <3

k i better go study...
IVT, EVT, MVTs' are calling!!

stupid calculus...-.-

byebye...
cya soon!!

*i take comfort in knowing you'll never let me go, through it all*

2009-04-11T11:01:00.004+08:00

i will be the first to admit i have a general dislike for her.
not hate, just general dislike.

it was the way she acted..
her behaviour..
the way she didnt accept us as family.
the pair of staring eyes,
always staring at you and what you do,
the wanting to know everything.
thats why we go out of our way to avoid her.
heck, she has made things so difficult
that even her son tries to avoid her.

there were numerous times when she would just stand in the corridor,
staring at their door,
maybe just hoping to catch a glimpse of them.
but still....
that door will never open.
not when they know she's out there.
how do i know?
cause i'll be staring out of the gap in my door.

its times like this when i can look at her without her knowing,
that i feel this sense of....
i dont know..
pity? compassion?
and i feel like just telling her to go to bed.
but then,
i would close my door softly again.
close the door to things i would rather not see,
to feelings i rather not feel.

yes, as much as i do dislike her,
as much as we have no blood relation,
as much as she doesn't accept us,
i do feel sorry for her,
i do still have a heart.

i'm just wondering,
if she's really gone,
how would i feel?
what am i supposed to feel?

even though it doesnt seem good,
but still.....
get well soon.

2009-01-31T03:39:00.003+08:00

there's only 6 days left,
and shit.............
i feel like crying zzz

& i haven't start packing.
-.-

2008-12-31T20:54:00.007+08:00

last post of the year!
i wanted to wait till the last minute of 2008 to post this,
but i think i'll be busy playing games and stuff..
LOL

my cousins' family is back from australia!
whee!!!
but as they all miss singapore food,
it also means we'll be eating ALOT for most of the days.
fats and tyres and tummy and more fat!

now for refer-lections.
2008 was relatively uneventful for the first 3 quarters of the year.
it was always work and overtime and the cycle repeats.
even that said, i still loved the workplace,
not the labs, but jurong island itself. hohoho.

i quitted my job in the mid of october,
and though many scolded me stupid,
said that i should have collected my bonus first,
but now i realise,
i don't regret my decision at all.
i got to spend more time with my family,
cause with work sometimes i don't even see my mum for 2/3 days straight.
and my dad, sometimes even a whole month,
and sometimes even longer! zzz

Also, since quitting work,
thanks to one of my relatives,
i finally got to play badminton regularly!
which i haven't done ever since i left sec school.
or rather i rediscovered the passion for playing badminton.
twice a week in the late mornings,
and i even wish i can play everyday!!!!

then in november,
wall went for his operation.
and he has more or less recovered now,
though he's been advised not to fly for at least half a year,
which means he won't be going over with me next year anymore.
hoho there goes his holidays.

and last thing on the agenda,
i haven't started packing anything!!!!!!!
worse thing is,
i don't know what i should pack.
someone advised me to bring clothes hangers,
cause apparently it's expensive over there.
like.....huh?! hangers.
time is flying...
and i only have a little more than a month left.
which means outing outing and more outings!
see, gonna get fat again zzz hahaha

and i realised i gave out some wrong info,
i said i was flying on the _th,
but since the flight's at _:__am,
it means i'm actually checking in on the _th at _:__pm.
haha, notice why there's no numbers?
cause i want to disturb someone who's been asking me for my flight details.
& because i'm so mean, i don't wanna tell her. YET. lol lol =x=x
if you wanna clarify the flight details,
please ask me again!
thanks!

ok, i'm more or less done here,
and i'm going to play games with my cousins!
so bye!
have a nice 2008 you people,
and see ya all in 2009.....
till i fly off in february..
ok, BYE!!!

2008-12-23T23:17:00.003+08:00

happy birthday to my daddy....!!
though he's not in singapore right now.

but at least i didn't forget his bdae
like he forgot mine.

-.-

maybe next time he'll even forget he has a daughter.
lol

you wouldnt be reading this, but...
imissyou!!!
-big hugs!!!!- =)

*so near yet so far,
why cant i just turn back time.*

2008-12-20T23:41:00.002+08:00

it took last than a year.
life was unfair to him yes.
but life is even more unfair for
the people left behind.
them who can only comtemplate
what could have been.

especially his two young kids.
the youngest haven't even learned to talk,
and i think the elder one at 3,
won't fully understand the situation too.

he's young, way too young actually.
just wish life will be kinder to them from now on.

r.i.p.

2008-11-28T22:21:00.002+08:00

my no.200 post!! hoho
but this doesn't make it any special.
haha

ok. cbox officially has a problem with me today.
takes damn long to load,
and yet it doesn't load properly.
the original layout is all wrong,
and the fonts are all wrong.
so pls forgive me if i don't reply your tags lol
hope by tomorrow it returns to normal..zzz

that's all i gotta say.
=D hehe bye.

2008-11-25T20:28:00.011+08:00

A Joke to Start the ~~Day~~ Night With.

A 0 was on his way to the market one sunny morning, and while shopping for vegetables, he happened to cross paths with his enemy, 8. So, when he walked past 8, with a voice filled with mockery, he said,' Aiyo, 肥就肥，还学人家绑什么腰带。 Which loosely translates as: Aiyo, fat means fat, still follow people put on a belt. HAHA.
--------------------------------------------------------

Anyways, 2 days back, the management stuck a piece of notice on the glass doors downstairs, stating that from now on, residents will have to use their access cards to open the door and all that blah blah stuff. The notice was filled with quite a few grammer mistakes, like one, "The security guards have be instructed............." when it should be have BEEN. So my mum asked me to correct it, and i did, all the while hoping i won't be caught for vandalising. I changed the be to been, and i chickened out after that, leaving the rest of the grammer mistakes below that unchanged.

I went to the petrol station today to get some food and when i came back, the notice had been removed and replaced with a new one. (Hoho, never thought i could make a difference just by correcting A word.) But the thing is, they didnt get someone to reread the whole notice again, and SOOOOO.......the grammer mistakes below still remained unchanged -.- so much for efficiency. And no, i didnt do any correcting this time round. Coz i was too hungry LOL.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

daddy went to vietnam last sunday,
and i nearly forgot to wish him have a safe trip..
luckily when i smsed him in the morning he hadnt flown.
zzz i think I'm the lousiest daughter any father could have.
dot dot dot..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whee...been busy badmintoning the past few weeks!
i hate running if its just running itself, but im all for running during sports! haha
badminton yesterday..and badminton again this friday!
I'm falling in love with it all over again..hahahaaa wheeeeeee...
was supposed to bad tmr too, but they cudnt book a court =(
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

mummy came home last night,
and she told me in this serious voice that theres smth to tell me..
& that i will be disappointed. i thought what had happened..
but in the end, it was becoz the AP's leave application for the cruise was rejected
(but he will be appealing, i suggested why nt he take mc for those days =x)..
& the cruise was meant to be his bdae surprise from us.
in my mind i was going -.-, siao ar. why shud i be disappointed.
if he cant go, den dun go. by hook or by crook, i will still be going!!! muahwhah..evil....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

zzz time is flying by too fast!!!
its been 1 month since i quit work...
and now its already nearing the end of NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahhh mother terror of all terrors!
zzzzz feb pls come slower..zzz

2008-11-10T00:15:00.005+08:00

wahahaha i'm so happy!!
cause i finally got my dream phone hoho.
like since 9 days ago.
my dear selfish phone =D

too bad i couldnt join my ex-colleagues for the dnd,
thanks TARA!
but its ok, cause...
i went to KL & just came back tdy!
went up the Twin Towers,
where the scenery was just great.
went shopping,
wasnt really many things to buy also..hmm
so it was basically just eat, shop, sleep
and the cycle repeats.
was flu-ing and coughing throughout the trip,
but luckily it's almost cleared up by now =D
i havent transferred the pictures from phone to com,
so they will have to wait! &....
the waiting time depends on how lazy i am =x
and as of now, i'm even lazier than a pig..
so you know..lol

anyway, next trip, 3d 2n cruise in December!
been pestering my mum for so long,
and now she finally found 1 that goes to and fro,
and not just cruise there and bus back hahha
FINALLY!!!!
i cant wait i cant wait.

ok think im off to bed.
wall's op rescheduled to 2,
but have to reach there by 11 tmr to accompany him.
he says he wants to go shop around first,
but i told him i'll strap him to d chair myself
if he dares to.
if only i'm as optimistic as him -.-
he's one mad man i cant get away from.
anyway, hope his condition clears,
and gets well after that!=)

hehe nighty night.
*snore*

2008-11-05T23:30:00.003+08:00

2 days ago, it started out as a sore throat,
then as the sore throat was going away,

along came the flu.

!@#$%^&

i slept in my chair last night,
cause once i lied down, my nose gt blocked.
tonight seems no different.
zzz

night night ppl.

2008-10-28T02:05:00.012+08:00

i was looking out of the car window,
watching the cars go by,
when i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

me: was that a Chysler?

him: yaa, why?
me: its been made into a taxi!!!
him: WHAT?!?!?!
& he jammed the brakes so hard we nearly went head over heels,
but no, i was just joking.
about the braking part.

whatever would they think of next?

a Maserati Gran Turismo?

a Lamborgini Gallardo Superleggera?

a Ferrari F430 Spider?

nowadays, think twice about buying cars,
and think again,
and again,
and again,
before you decide on which one to buy.
best do abit of research.

cause the very car that you just purchased,
may just be the next taxi you see on the road.

2008-10-25T02:08:00.004+08:00

i am officially FREE from work!!
hoho and now my current occupation is being a lazy bum.
welcome to MY luxurious world =x

tues night was my last day at work,
and luckily there werent many samples,
but the 2 pretest kinda ruined everything zzz
nonetheless, we had lots of fun!!!!!
first we printed fake money drawn on paper,
and we played some games with it..
shhh cant say what..LOL
and we drank champagne.....
ok, it was just sparkling juice,
but..whatever!

first off,
thanks to shad for providing entertainment throughout our game..haha
thanks to muss for providing the hilariously weird 'hya ya ya ya' laughter..
thanks to chloe for providing champagne =D..
thanks to fandi...for being fandi..LOLL
and thanks to me!!!! cause if it wasnt for my last day,
we wouldnt be fooling around at all..
oops...self-praise =x

im sure i will miss all the fun times i had ever since attachment days,
but the very one thing i will miss the most,
is Jurong Island itself!
i rmb during CPTC, i was amazed by the sheer size of the big tanks,
and twisted metal of chem plants everyway.
but it was d night scenery of JI that rlly mesmerized.
first time in my life i saw so many lights in a single place alone,
simple orange lights, but yet so beautiful.
it got even better when we moved to the new lab,
cause then we had to pass by 2 lakes everytime,
and to see the lights reflected in them was just
0.0 & =O..yes..eye opening and mouth opening haha
and to think our HDB flat corridors already has so many lights,
but the ones on JI, nth could compare to it.
show me a person who doesnt like the night scenery of JI,
and i will show you a person whom i dont like LOL

besides that,
there were also the big cargo ships anchored at Jurong Port,
the containers carrying kind,
& the bigger it was, the more i loved them =D
the best was when once,
i saw one of the barges on which we had done testing on the fuel oil before!!
cant say the name out, just in case im not supposed to..
code of ethnics...later company come sue me 0.0 ROFL

ok, thats basically why i decided to go back to work for the company in the first place,
cause of Jurong Island itself.
& theres also that sense of pride in being able to enter smplace that not everyone can enter anyhow, or anyday.
hahaha ok i think too much i know,
but as long as im happy thinking that way, i dont care =P

enough of talk,
i'm off to bed,
tada!!

no matter failure or success,
take heart in the knowledge that
i'll always see you in my dreams,
and you'll see me in yours =)
l0v3$.

2008-10-07T22:10:00.003+08:00

countdowns countdowns!!!
5 more days till mummy comes back...
14 days till my last day of work...
9 working days till my last day of work...
19 days till ahem ahem...lol
26 days till he goes for his op...
many many days before i fly!!!

speaking of that,
my ass is fried -.-
the tickets have already been booked for the 19th,
cause orientation was supposed to be on the 23rd.
& today,
received a letter that said orientation will be on the 11th.
OMG.
not my fault!!!!!!!!!
my ass is soooooo gonna be fried beyond recognition.
zzz

sunday sunday sunday!!!
will sunday please come faster...
lol

2008-10-04T00:04:00.002+08:00

please understand if i'm too quiet,
too emo,
too unlively,
too unwilling to talk,
too unwilling to entertain anyone
from today till next sunday.

the mum just went to Bhutan for her holiday,
and her daughter is here feeling very lifeless.

so yeah,
please forgive me.

night night.

2008-09-28T02:05:00.003+08:00

just a short post coz im off to bed.

i recommend you to watch Mamma Mia!!
even if you dont like Abba's songs,
just go watch it!!!
its funny, its touching, & its good.

its been a long time since ive watched a movie so nice.
and if meryl streep was my mum i will make her sing to me all day.
lol
and i admire her coz she's 59,
but has the energy of a 20 y.o. in the show.
the only thing i didnt like abt the show,
was pierce bosnan's singing -.-
anyway i mean it..
go watch it.......

okie nights!

2008-09-15T00:14:00.013+08:00

大學生了沒家爆單親家庭天下無不是的父母?

現場人哭了 06-12-2007 part 5/5

the last segment of a 5 part episode.

takes quite some time to load
(open it to big screen to see the loading bar)

but also meaningful enough to be worth the wait.

here's the LINK if you want to open it someplace else.

"不管你从小碰到什么事情,

将来的人生是你自己的,

你的决定很重要.

你可以有过很不好的遭遇,

但是你不要用自己的生命,

去践踏你自己.

你应该去走的更好."

2008-09-13T22:58:00.008+08:00

来不及把梦留给你
费玉清

来不及把梦留给你
匆匆忙忙旅程盼不到归期
不敢回首相隔千里
如烟往事埋藏心底

来不及把梦留给你
游游荡荡人生走不完风雨
错过真情物换星移
年少轻狂早已成回忆

多情却总似无情
江水东流去
忘不了的乡愁何处寄
多情却总似无情
最苦生别离
问苍天何时再相聚

old school, yet suits the mood.
i like:)

the atmosphere was serene,
the mood sombre,
you hear them,
as you watch it roll away into the fire
yet you tried hard not to.
my source of distraction?
counting the no. of tiles on the wall.
the next (& hopefully last) one?
tuesday, 1pm.

2008-09-13T00:09:00.004+08:00

if good things usually come in pairs,
does that apply to unfortunate stuffs too?

one went peacefully on tuesday morning,
the other went after a long battle today.
yes, we should be happy they're in a better place now.
but that does makes it any easier to accept?
we search for comfort in the words,
yet at the end of the day,
you know this is it.
no u-turn, no return path, no turning back.

been reaching home after 12 midnight
almost everyday since tues,
and tonight was supposed to be the last night.
yet who could have predicted more bad news.
it's a mental, physical and emotional struggle
if you can imagine,
& i pray everyone gets through it unscathed,
which is a somewhat wishful thinking.

ok, im falling asleep at my com.
gotta wake up early for mandai tmr.
nights.

anyway, tmr was supposed to be chalet night.
was thinking of going, but dont think i can make it anymore.
sry ppl!
and a big sorry to ah jane!,
asked me go early to play with you,
but have to let you down this time le!

2008-09-09T17:04:00.008+08:00

just 2 weeks ago,
we went to her house for her bdae celebration,
and now 2 weeks later,
we're going back again.

a million things could happen,
between now and then,
no matter how small the matter could be.
so why not embrace the possibility,
instead of ignoring it?
better to speak it all now,
than have to speak about what should have been spoken then.

*r.i.p.*

2008-09-06T02:58:00.004+08:00

omg. the rain at meranti is so heavy,
i can practically feel the building shaking
*shake shake* *shake shake*
LOL

it's 3am!!!! another 5 1/2 hours to end of work.....
and 10 more hrs to lunch...lol
the problem is i dont know how am i going to stay awake later.
reach home at 10...slp at 10.30..and wake at 1!!
-.-

speaking of sleep,
i think im suffering from insomnia..
after night shift last night,
i slept at 11.30am, and was already awake by 4.30pm..
zzzz

and yesterday morning on our way home in the bus,
i was telling cai tan that im very awake..
dont know later reach home how to sleep.
but then even before we reached exxon,
i was already conked out haha.

kk time to log in samples..
THIS LAM YUEN YEE...
say i come cover her leader
so i have to take over all responsibilities.
its her shift and i have to log in samples for her..
ZZZ..
next time mai come ot liao..

2008-08-23T10:36:00.004+08:00

he says he'll fork out half the amount.
im happy, but still....i have my doubts...
is he doing it to redeem himself?
or is he doing it so that he can tell his friends,
that he is capable of doing so?

my mum was even more crude,
"you sure he got so much money anot?" was what she said -.-

if not for him,
a lot of things would not have happened the way they did,
be it either in the good or bad way.

when we were talking the other day,
this is what she told me.
after that incident,
she was feeling very disorientated,
and there was alot of stuffs in her mind
and somehow she ended up walking right in the middle
of the highway or road i cant remember.
it was only when cars honked at her that she realised.
dont ask me if its true cause i wasn't there.
and it occurred to me that it really was true,
i was THAT close to losing her.
zzz

ok work work work.
today....i'm the only gal working..
with 5 guys...-.-
but i wont worry abt getting raped,
cause it's impossible i will get raped,
unless the guy is either blind,
or desperately desperate...LOL

looking on the bright side,
I HAVE THE TOILET ALL TO MYSELF!!!
*walks around naked*
hahaha just joking!!!

ciao...

2008-08-22T00:16:00.006+08:00

1) If the person who hurt you the most recently apologized, you would say…

- ....hm....it all depends on what the person have done?? lol

2) Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?

- what makes you think i will tell you =P

3) Are you a morning person or a night?

- im a morning person in the night, and a night person in the morning, does that makes sense? but definitely more night than morning!

4) Are you there for your friends?

- i'm always there (i hope =S)....but on whether it's me they turn to when they have troubles, its a totally different story..haha

5) Are you a forgiving person ?

- LOL...a leo forgives, but never forgets =D

6) Do you smoke on the regular?

- I REGULARLY....dont smoke =)

7) Are you mad at anyone?

- YES...i'm mad at myself -.-

8) Are you an aunt/uncle?

- as much as i want to say no, unfortunately, yes......=(

9) Who was the last person you ate with?

- lol my dearest mummy!!!! who make me forego my slp after my night shift..but im not complaining hehe

10) Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?

- WALL.....he & his headaches again =/

11) What is something that you do daily that your friends might not know?

- eh....eh......i......dont know? 0.o

12) Are you feeling uneasy about something lately?

- YES....as in whether i made the right choice...& it seems nobody is happy abt it, me included..-.-

13) Do you have plans for your friends next birthday? Who? When?

- no...cause i have no friends..LOL!! okok shush, im just jk...the answer to ur qns, Yes, Somebody, Someday..i dont wanna spoil a surprise...=D

14) Where are your top three friends right now?

- at home, in bed!! lol oh wait, one's at work..hhaha

15) Ever punched somebody or been punched?

- yes...obviously!!!

16) Do you want children?

- yes....& i want them now....NOW!!!! rofll..

17) You’re in the hospital, who of your top friends would come visit you?

- haha only 1...& that's only becoz my mum, not me, would tell him -.-

18) Anyone from your past come to mind often?

- yeahh.......lol

19) Are you a happy person?

- lol i think that would a no, with an occasional yes...=)

20) Is your coming birthday on a holiday?

- it's over!!! but i dont know abt next yr =((

22) If you had one wish for your best friends what would it be?

- be happy always always....(& never forget me =x=x).. ok thats 2 wishes...

23) Could you ever be in a long distance relationship?

- hmmm..wont want to be in the first place..but if situations call for it, i think that would be a yes..

25) Do you have a good grades?

- hahaha not since primary school...ROFLLLL

27) Does anyone like you?

- AHA! i'll ask......everyone who likes me, pls tagggggggg in my board!!!!!! come back in a mth and u'll get your answer =D (what if they all hate me, and no one tags..0.0 *shudders*)

30) What the food you last ate?

- 干贝!!! hehe

31) What are you wearing right now?

- shirt and shorts.....duh..

32) Where is your handphone?

- on the floor...im trying to get my chair to roll over it so i can get a new phone =x HAHA...

33) What are you looking forward for this coming week?

- to my off days on mon and tues...and air force open hse from thurs to wkend!! too bad im working and cant help out..go support my mum!!! she will be selling things for my uncle at the air force museum's gift shop!!!

34) Whats your favorite subject?

- sex..oops..JUST KIDDING..haha chemistry!! thou i do suck at it =/

35) Whats something you really want right now?

- to quit work ASAP..lol i want my iphone i want my iphone & i still want my iphone =( but mummy says the news say people say the battery exploded in other parts of the world =(

36) Did you bought something new?

- WANTED TO....but no, not yet..hahah

37) What color is your hair?

- ehhh...on the dark side of brown, and browner highlights!!

38) Do you find yourself loved?

- i didnt know it was lost in the first place..if not why would i have to find it 0.o LOL ok thats crap..ahha yes i do think so..=)

39) If given another chance to love that person again, would you do so?

- if you're referring to whom im referring to, then yes, cause no matter what, blood still runs thicker than water............

40) What are you doing aside from this?

- think-ing, msn-ing, music-ing, and dread-ing work tmr...zzz

i slept at 5pm, woke up at 11pm, and have to wake up for work at 6.30am later..AND I'M WIDE AWAKE NOW!!!! damn it la...i freaking hate work....damn pissed ok!

and regarding my previous post, lam yuen yee didnt do anything, except maybe grumble too much (the others say so too! =x=x)...i just wanted to disturb her cause she was sitting beside me when i typed that..LOLLL

2008-08-21T08:14:00.003+08:00

LAM YUEN YEE IS VERY IRRITATING!!!!!!!

the post looks too short..so......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
LAM YUEN YEE IS STILL VERY IRRITATING!!!

tada!

2008-08-16T02:10:00.006+08:00

its 2am in the morning,
& i'm very wide awake.
-.-
my biological clock's totally haywired.
and its now still in the night shift mode lol
thats what shift work does to you.
off day are really just days,
that allows you
to adjust your life back to what is normal.
but what is considered normal,
& what if you cant?

starting from a few weeks ago,
whenever it's morning shift,
i can never sleep well the night before.
tried getting into bed at 11pm,
but it's till 1+ or 2am that i can fall asleep,
and if that's not bad enough,
i will wake up automatically at 5+
when my alarm is set at 6.30am.
zzzzz
dark eye rings and eye bags
are my 2 best friends for now:D

i have decided to quit work,
either in the mid or end of september,
which means by october end i'll be freed!
next year sounds quite far away,
but its only 5 to 6 months away.
which is actually too fast for my liking.
& i'm scared more than anything else.

bedtime
tada!

2008-08-10T22:13:00.008+08:00

ejrm oy vp,rd om yjr mrcy gre fsud,
o yjoml oy;; nr yo,r yp dsu....

hppfnur..

,sunr o esd imvpmdopid;u eo;;omh yjr, yp trkrvy oy..
jsf yp vjppdr pmvr,
snf o mrbrt esmyrf yp vjppdr shsom..

eoyj s jrsbu jrsty,
o s[p;phoxr yp yjpdr ejp, o s, hpomh yp ;ry fpem..
o;,;... mrbrt rbrt gpthry yjsy..

congratulations! you have just read a load of rubbish!
hehe =D

2008-07-30T22:20:00.004+08:00

TADA!!!!
happy......BELATED bdae...
TO ME!! =D

the poor me was at work in the wee mornings on the 29th,
and i had a cute bdae song from youtube played over the intercom.
so paiseh can!!!
but thanks fandi!, and to gwen for singing it too =D
due to the non-EXISTENCE of a starhub reception at my lab,
i could only read, and reply the well-wishes in the morning,
SORRY & THANKS PEOPLE!! hehe

anyway in the evening,
met up with my dear girls,
my lian, my laopo, yi, shersher,
and the girliest of the girls, AH BING!!=x=x
dinner was at cafe cartel, marina.
& like what yi says, we can never escape that place!! rofl

there were quite afew pre&during dinner happenings,
pre: like how i knew what my lian was up to,
being sneak-ish and stuff,
cause ive done the same thing before on her bdae before LOL =x,
and during: the surprise cake for shersher! =D
which she picked herself cause she thought it was for me!
when we sang the bdae song the 1st time,
she didnt even realise that we sang her name instead of mine ROFL
anyway, happy early bdae to shersher too!!:)
haha what a fun night! really enjoyed myself,
and hope all of you did too!
& thanks for all the presents too =P

i shall not post any of the photos we took,
cause i seriously think my face was never made to
be taken by cameras. SERIOUSLY. rofl.
BUT!!!!! once i've taken peekchures of my presents,
i'll post them up asap!:)

he's sad cause there's no more dinner on thursday,
but it doesnt matter,
as long as he gets well soon!
yesterday, they had to put him on the drip
cause he wasnt really keeping stuffs down,
and they also intoxicated (HAHA) him to make him sleep.
today is considered a rather good day,
cause he COULD eat a little and keep it down,
though i think it's because he's too busy sleeping
to vomit lol
it was real funny too, cause we'll be talking halfway,
& suddenly there was only my voice left,
he'd fallen asleep again =p
and oh,
he made his mum go all the way back
home to get my present =D
sry for troubling you aunty! hehe

andoh,
theonesmscalliwaswaitingfor,
didntcame.
ohwell,maybehewasbusy,andforgot
itsok,i'lllive.

2008-07-28T13:48:00.001+08:00

thanks to jiankai for the ride yesterday!
so nice of him,
dropped me off then went home=D
though i dont think you will see this anyway.

hahaha got a scolding when i reached
cause he had asked me to stay at home=x
scolded him back....1+ le still havent sleep -.-

i ended up slping there till 7 this morn when he woke up,
then my mum came to pick me up.
even told him she will ask me to pack some char kway teow
for him tonight. dots.
will be heading down again later before i go to work,
MINUS the char kway teow lol

he looked abit better la,
just that had headaches and vomitted a few times
in the day yesterday 0.o
pray pray he's better tdy!
they still dont know why he fainted two days ago,
so maybe the tests will tell us more,
but still no news of when he can come out -.-
*fingers crossed*

and regarding this coming thursday,
someone revealed smth she shudnt have in her sms.
LOL wonder if she realised it, & when she will realise?
haha nvm i shall pretend not to know =P
ROFL

off to sleep!!!
*yawn yawn*
getwellsoon!:)

2008-07-28T00:01:00.009+08:00

he went in again last night.
his mum smsed me at around 12 midnite,
saying he fainted at home,
and they were going to the hosp by ambulance.
got a shock cause he didnt even tell me he was not feeling well.
took me damn long to just reply a simple 'which hosp.' -.-

cabbed down,
and when i reached, he was already inside.
his mum told me he was bleeding from a head cut obtained from the fall.
which in the end needed 8 stitches.
and what was worse was that he was unconscious
the whole journey from his house to the hosp zzz
it was also the first time in 3+ years that ive seen her cry..
urgh, ive never been good at consoling ppl, so lucky his dad was also there.
i had to walk away before she also made me cry.
dont know which was more scary, the fact that he's unconscious,
or seeing her cry.
guess she's just freaked out at seeing her son like that?

after maybe like a million years,
a nurse told us they were moving him up to ICU.
she also said that he's still unconscious,
but at least his condition's stable.
when the doctor came,
he said he had a mild concussion,
and that he SHOULD wake up earliest within a few hours.
his mum started crying again.
damn scary can. i was thinking what if he doesnt wake up.
f*ck.

anyway, after awhile, they went outside for a drink,
and i ended up falling aslp on his bedside =x
then around 5am, i got awaken by him!!!

kk gtg...continue this another time.
his friend's on his way to pick me up.
its late i know, but no choice.
im falling aslp too.
k bye.

updated:
said he'd been up since 4+,
saw me sleeping but didnt want to disturb me,
but coz he had requested for med,
and i was in the nurses' way LOL

2008-07-26T23:12:00.008+08:00

went to a shopping centre today,
and guess what we saw?

a combi-mountain of fruits and vegetables.
on first glance we thought it was all fake.
but on closer inspection, it turned out to be all real.
WAH!!!!! waste food ar!!!!!

anyway last saturday morning,
when i was on my way home from fri's night work,
something interesting happened.
when the train was at bukit batok/gombak (icantrmb),
2 aunties pushing identical trolleys practically RUSHED in,
frantically looking around for seats.
at first we thought both of them were friends,
but just like an mirror image,
one went left and one went right.
you have to see it to know how funny it was.

and after that,
we happened to look around,
and to our amusement,
our cabin had a total of 6 trolleys!!!
can you imagine,
all the trolleys happened to be in our cabin,
and they were sitting all opposite us,
and all were of the same type,
albeit in different colours.
omg, the 3 of us were laughing like mad.
here's proof of PUSH-YOUR-OWN-TROLLEY DAY:

AND to top it off,
at yew tee, 5 of the trolleys went off!!!!
now it makes me wonder if all families in yew tee
have a trolley like this at home..

LIAN!!!! your house have anot!!!
lol

&....a closing statement for this entry:

LOL!!!!

2008-07-26T00:08:00.002+08:00

hoho drama drama.
went yishun for dinner just now,
and when we came back to the car,
we saw a piece of white paper on the windscreen.
initially we thought it was a summon,
but when i went to retrieve it,
turned out to be a note.

on it was written:
Taxi: SHC 5827 M reversed and knocked into
your car's front left side then droved away.

haha some kind soul had seen the whole incident
and was kind enough to let us know about it.
pity the guy didnt leave any name or contact no.
& that left us with no eyewitness.
but we went to make a police report anyway,
and now we can only wait for the traffic police to get back to us.

haha
pity this had to happen when this car is going
to be sold soon.
hmmm...4d number anybody??
LOL

2008-07-23T15:24:00.004+08:00

I DID IT TODAY!
just stop guessing what already.
lol
.
.
.
.
.
& if your brain is screaming SEXXXXXX!!!,
you're way off the globe, buddy.

the old man was damn ungentlemanly today.
damn attitude,
not going to elaborate.

went out with my mum this morning,
and went to borders at around 11+.
i bought my Baby Blues comic!!!!
it's so cute so cute..lalalala..
cost me 35 bucks, and a scolding LOL.
but whatever, cause it's uber duber cute!
AND, now i'm home!
i hope 6pm comes slower,
cause i dont feel like working tonight =(

wahahaha, i'm going to die i tell you.
schedule for the next few days.....
Friday: dinner with my aunty,
Saturday: OUT...
Sunday:
lunch with gan ma,
dinner with my mum & her friend,
& a Shaolin performance at somewhere(Indoor Stadium?).
Monday: FASTING DAY..=x
Tuesday: dinner with many people =DDD
Wednesday: Lunch at Tao's........
Thursday is a surprise, he wont tell me what -.-
provided he's not too busy being sick. LOL

k im off to bed!
6pm pls come later!!!!
=D byeee..

2008-07-19T05:47:00.002+08:00

mummy says she saw her at amk again.
how i wish i was there.
see the pathetic woman with her family.
see her being awkward when we stare at her.

sometimes i wonder if she jumps at the ring of the phone,
wondering who it might be, what the call may be about.
sometimes i wonder if she's afraid one day we might track her down,
and expose her.
most of all,
i wonder if she feels any remorse or guilt.

actually until today,
i have never ever thought of finding ways to get back at her.
maybe it was because i didnt care,
maybe it was because i would rather forget about it.
but from time to time,
ive thought of why should she be let off so easily,
when we're left to clear the shit that she created.

if i could have it my way,
when her son grows up,
when he begins to fully understand things,
i'll let him learn that sometimes,
the ones that you love, the ones that love you,
need not necessarily be the most truthful,
nor the most innocent.
that you may love them with all your heart,
but it takes just one mistake to shatter
that perfect picture you've painted of them.

2008-07-16T23:16:00.004+08:00

today...is just not my day.
work was unproductive,
& i cant help getting irritated with myself.
yet maybe it's karma.
-.-
not going to open my mouth anymore.

could you love somebody,
yet hate the decisions they make?
i hold you at arm's length,
not because i hate you.
it's because at the end of the day,
it makes disappointments a little less disappointing,
and leaving, easier.

2008-07-14T03:00:00.003+08:00

i hate flying insects.
i absolutely detest them.
and so its just their bad luck
if and when they meet me,
and my ever-ready can of shieldtox.
hoho.

the flying idiot which decided to bug me
by buzzing around on my light just now
is now lying on my table,
after breathing in so much shieldtox.
damn the idiot,
its still frigging moving after 20mins -.-

i love the rain!!!
but it has to be spoiled by this bugger.
grrrr..

2008-07-10T23:41:00.006+08:00

its work again tomorrow.
haiz.
its pretty bleak at the moment,
no matter how i try,
i see no light at the end of the tunnel.

tkegdcareboy.
yousayitsnthcomparedtomine,
buticantellyouitsnotanybetter.
getwell&getoutsoonpls:)

its time to sleep,
but what do you do,
when everything just keeps you awake?

2008-06-29T01:30:00.002+08:00

aint feeling well.
its the flu again.
yes, YET AGAIN.
and sore throat too.
the last time i checked,
my throat had this like small bubble thingy,
with blood in it.
and there's two of it, one of each side.
-.-
dont know why im falling sick so often nowadays.

speaking of sickness, and medicines and doctors,
the last time i went to the doc for my skin condition,
he prescribed steroids, not the bodybuilding type(so he says).
i googled its side-effects, and gosh,
i wondered if its worth taking it to cure the primary problem,
just to end up with more problems.
0.o prednisolone..check it up if you want to. lol

guess i should be sleeping right now,
damn sleepy, but cant sleep.
the boy called not long ago.
says he's going to the hosp.
cold chills and splitting headache.
wouldnt let me go along,
so im waiting, waiting........waiting,
for news, tho hopefully its good.
think i'll go wait on the bed..

tada.....

2008-06-21T00:53:00.003+08:00

all i wanted to do was disappear.
but you,
you came along to pull me out
from the depths of darkness.
i hang on tight,
glad to have found support at last.

but just as you thought i could finally
stand steadfast and firm on my own two feet,
you let go,
.
.
.
.
and back into the depths i fell again.

let me swim in the pits,
let me find my way,
so if i ever get out,
and fall back in again,
i'll know this time,
that the problem lies with me,
within me,
& the only one i have to blame,
is me myself.

2008-06-03T15:47:00.009+08:00

i dont hate the work.
i dont hate the boss.
i dont hate the people there.
i dont hate that there's alot of work.

i just hate off days, and the stress that comes with it.
can you imagine being called back every off day?
thats what happened the whole of last month.
eventually you just get irritated by it.

and if you're really not free on that day,
it comes to become your fault, your problem.
like its your responsibility,
like you're letting your sister die,
when you know donating an organ will let her live.

im about 99.99% sure the next time the same sms comes in,
something drastic will happen.
maybe then,
i'll be busy clearing away the smashed bits of the phone,
or patching the hole in the wall
-.-

[edited]
i think ive just figured out another reason i dont like work.
during attachment
when we were still at the main lab, the Oiltanking one,
that had a real feel of a lab at work.
seeing the number of people,
the many many machines,
the different departments,
i loved the environment,
and the feel of how the company was a big unit at work.

but now at the new Universal terminal,
there's only 2 departments,
the most no. of people working is like what,
7? or 10 at the most?
seems more like a housing unit then a working place.
it didnt have that LAB feel anymore somehow.
can we please move back,
so that i can have back the motivation to work? zzz

OH, not forgetting the taxi drivers.
not even ONE driver did not complain,
ALL grumbling about how far it is,
saying we should have told them it was this far in,
he wouldnt have taken us as his passengers,
(as if we had a choice not to go back in the first place)
then giving you the black face the rest of the ride.
I TELL YOU!!
you'll just feel like telling them,
oh please, shut up, and just drive.
[edited]

its not about the money,
its about the principle of taking away
something that you were supposed to have.
EVERY SINGLE WEEK.

stress ar stress.
i think waiting for the judge to decide,
on whether you will be sentenced to the death penalty,
also not that stress.
pardon me, but whatthehell.

2008-06-02T02:32:00.005+08:00

i do hope CUT replies my email soon.
-.-
if they cant confirm with me yet,
then i cant plan anything too.
which is irritating in a way,
cause i wont know how long more i have to work.
-.-
which im hoping can end earlier =x
unless the boss agrees to let jane come work shift with me.
ahhhhh..thats another story.
lol

the boss had a 1 on 1 with each of us on friday.
talked about OT stuffs YET again.
didnt like his tone when he asked if i ever did go back for OT.
sounded like ive not done any OT at all this month.
!@#$%^
asked if im busy on most weekends.
i said yes, told him i had ppl to meet.
his eyes went 0.0 and he asked why.
i went -.-, can we not talk about this.
and he went hmmmmmmm, ok.
damn awkward pls. zzz

pay came on friday,
and shopping spree came yesterday.
with cher, him and mum in tow =D
had pepper lunch at suntec,
then went over to marina,
i was looking for TIMES &
mum was looking for esprit,
cause she had this 40% disc vouch which was expiring.
in the end it was me who bought things. HAHA
a cute keychain - $11.90
esprit watch - $ secret 0.0
(the watch became my pre-bdae pressie in the end!
thanks mummy!)

they decide to go for coffee,
so i & cher went to TIMES to get my books!!
used to think Jodi Picoult books werent nice,
but after reading My Sister's Keeper in early May,
i got hooked to her books =x
so much so that i went on to buy
Keeping Faith,
then Change of Heart,
then The Pact,
& Songs of the Humpback Whale which im currently reading,
5 of her books in May alone =x=x
have to say out of the 4 that ive read,
the first 3 are seriously good,
but The Pact loses out in some sense.

and yesterday when i saw her books at TIMES,
wanted to buy them all,
but i thought mum would have a fit if she knew,
so ended up........

CURRENT NEWS BREAK: COCKROACH SPOTTED......(YUCKS)
AFTER A BRIEF ENCOUNTER WITH SHIELDTOX,
ATTEMPTED TO ESCAPE BY CLIMBING UP THE CUP,
BUT PLOPPED BACK ONTO THE TABLE,
WITH 4 LEGS FACING THE CEILING,
SUSPECTED TO BE DEAD,
WAS CAPTURED BY FAIRPRICE WHITE FACIAL TISSUE,
AND LOCKED UP IN RUBBISH BIN.
END OF NEWS BREAK

and so i ended up with just 4 of her books =x=x=x
which came up to 50 bucks after a 30% discount.
hehehe.
walked around abit more,
and went to S&K,
bought jeans at 12 bucks (closing-down sale!),
had dinner,
and went back home.

ahhhh,
the wonders of paydays,
discounts,
closing-down sales,
.
.
.
.
.
and SHIELDTOX.
LOLLLL

time to sleep dont you think?
nights=)

cant help thinking would my decision have already been made long ago,
if things had turned out differently?
i dont know how am i going to face my fear,
but maybe i will just have to, this time round.

2008-05-28T02:17:00.004+08:00

TODAY MARKS THE DAY....
when im officially sick for 1 month.
-.-

i hate nose blocks..
i hate nose blocks..
i hate nose blocks..
i wanna bash my nose,
so that i can breathe easy again.
i hate having a blocked nose.
-.-

last saturday,
celebrated mummy's early bdae.
had dinner at The Line, Shangri-La Hotel.
some international buffet thingy that we had
noticed the last time we went there for a complimentary lunch.

what attrached us was the whole fridge of seafood.
CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE!!!!
SEAFOOD!!!
WHOLE FRIDGE!!
lobsters, prawns, mussels, clams, oysters, crabs!!!!!
and many many more..
including a metre tall fondue fountain LOL.

but i guess it didn't quite live up to expectation after all.
they replenished the food quite fast,
but somehow the quality wasn't there.
BUT ITS STILL SEAFOOD!!
the bill came up to 200++ bucks for 3 person 0.o
hohoho...
i told my mum,
lucky you aren't a vegetarian.
if not, not being able to eat seafood,
i think i'll kill myself.
ROFL.

i fear
ending up losing more than i may get.
tell me,
is it wrong to hope?

2008-05-25T22:19:00.003+08:00

a mum's face the baby may not remember.
all thats left's a short message,

qin ai de bao bei,
ru guo ni hai huo zhe,
ji de ma ma yong yuan ai ni.

wrapping him with the words,
ensuring he sleeps through the horrors
of the outside world.

god bless.

2008-05-20T23:09:00.002+08:00

i've been having this
persistantly persistant flu ever since...
hmm...
3 weeks ago..
and it comes and goes whenever it pleases,
so much so that it's beginning to piss me off.
-.-

not only because of the blocked nose and everything,
but also because it either keeps me up all night,
or wakes me up in the middle of the night.

the workplace is also not helping..
the visible yet non-existent aircon,
the 775 degrees furnace that challenges you
to a heavyweight arm wrestling challenge,
the 925 degrees furnace that threatens to fry
your eyebrows everytime you open it....
ok i shall stop complaining,
and the boss....
shhhhh...
is hilarious sometimes..
its the aircon...
i'm sure its the aircon thats making me sick.
zzz
the last time i went to see the doc,
he advised me to change jobs,
he says the chemicals and stuffs,
will greatly affect my recovery speed
hmmm, im still undecided on that...
we'll see.

2008-05-12T00:57:00.005+08:00

sometimes no words can replace the million silent things spoken by a picture.

:
:
:
:
:
;
;
:
figure that out.

2008-05-07T23:25:00.005+08:00

eventually,
an emoticon was all it took.
(=

shhh.....
dont say a word.

2008-05-01T20:44:00.003+08:00

i guess i tried.
for now i'll just
bury my head deep in work.

and a piece of gd news..!
maid got engaged when she went back
to indonesia last two weeks.
and she's planning to marry when
she goes back in 2 years time.
not sure if she will come back again.
sadded, really dont wanna see her go.
but still, wish her all the best=)

i dont need you to put up a brave face for me.
thats the last thing i'll ever need.

2008-04-28T08:52:00.005+08:00

treasure happiness while it's around.
the world we live in,
is a magical yet unpredictable place
where anything can happen anytime.

you MAY be at the height of ur career,
feeling like the luckiest person in the world,
with everything you could ever wish for,
and then wham!,
the unpredictable hits you right smack in the gut.
may have had a sixth sense,
may have seen it coming,
might have known all along someday it'll happen,
but its definitely not called unpredictable for nothing.

loss.
everyone experiences it one time or another.
whether it happens when you're young,
or even when you're old,
whether its someone,
or something.
its still the same.
the only difference is in what you lost,
and in what way it affects your life,
or even the others around you.

but no matter what is it that happens,
we move on,
life moves on.
on whether will the someone or something we lost
ever come back again,
we'll never know.
buy a new one, get a new one, ppl say.
but the first will always be special,
will always be the one you think of the most,
wishing for every second in your life,
it'll come back to you once again.
but fate and destiny had worked up a plan since long ago,
and try as we might,
we'll never be able to change it.

accept the new,
adapt to the new,
but most importantly,
dont forget the old.
for its the past,
whether happy or sad,
which will get us through the darkest days,
days when you just feel like giving up,
when nothing you do seems right.
let go, let go,
but never forget.

dont you dare add to the numbers.
dont you dare.
and i wont let you.
remember the promises.
be a man,
and honour it.

2008-04-20T23:10:00.002+08:00

how
many
more
nights.

how
many
more
months.

six
long
years.
and
counting....

how
many
more
years
till
reality
no
longer
haunts.

maybe that day will just never come.

2008-04-10T22:38:00.009+08:00

2nd time.
-.-

i set myself a target to last a year.
but when crap like this comes,
a year seems like a personal path to suicide.

i may complain,
but i will also try my best to persevere.
just freaking endure.

there's nothing else to say,
but ppl are leaving one after another.
doesnt that already speak for itself?

2008-04-05T02:03:00.001+08:00

don't know what's happening to me.
& to say the truth,
i don't want to know.

ever since last week.
i've been feeling rather disorientated.
like the 'me' is not me.
and recently i've been rather down,
though i still joke around,
but when that happens i'll be pretty quiet,
and just want to be left alone.

& when i'm working,
i can suddenly just blank out,
or get really blur about what to do.
i think it's because i'm thinking too much,
that's why sometimes
i don't even notice when ppl are calling me,
or it takes a long time for me to process anything ppl say.
quite a no. of ppl have told me the same thing already.
-.-

it feels weird,
it all feels so weird.
hopefully i won't be like that anymore next week.

wake up, sihan, wake up..

2008-03-31T23:51:00.005+08:00

effing PISSED.

if i've been doing it for a very long time,
i don't mind being scolded for being slow.
but fuck,
its only my very first time logging in samples,
don't even know what to type what to press,
and be scolded?

first time do, slow, kpkb.
want me fast, later wrong, also kpkb.
aiya, don't know what to say.
no wonder you seem to be public enemy no.1.

25 years in the industry doesn't mean you're indispensable.
want some respect, show some respect.

2008-03-26T23:17:00.002+08:00

work.
seeing him is totally like seeing the other him.
the age the build the hair....
ahhhhhh....

i asked if you would come back.
you said you would.
but she wont take you back.
she wont, cause she cant.
& she cant, cause she wont.

ask yourself if you do regret,
ask yourself if it was all worth it.
=/

2008-03-19T22:35:00.002+08:00

was so tired waiting for dinner to come,
i fell asleep without eating last night.

wrongest, but surest way of losing weight.
0.0
LOL

hallelujah.

2008-03-18T22:37:00.001+08:00

you know i dont like it,
but you just have to say it.

if that makes you happy,
then so be it,
carry on.

zzz
-.-

2008-03-14T02:22:00.011+08:00

chong xin zai lai,
zhe hai ke nen ma?

jia shang jing nian,
yi jing you liu nian.
liu nian qian,
da gai hai ke nen.

dan si nian qian,
na yi dian de ke nen xing,
zao yi xiao shi le.

dui mo ge ren lai shuo,
yan zheng zheng kan zhe
zui da de xi wang,
wei yi de yuan wang xiao shi,

ta xin li shuo bu chu de tong ku,
ni nen li jie ma?

2008-03-10T22:05:00.010+08:00

i think we r both on the wrong frequency.
we cant communicate well thats for sure.
or is it because im speaking a foreign language?
is it so hard to understand what im saying?

believe me when i say im trying,
but everytime when i think ive made progress,
you have to do something to piss me off,
and im back to square one again.
everybody has limits and i have mine.

one thing you will have to understand is that,
the wall ive been buildin all these years,
i will not tear it down just becoz smone doesnt like it.
its there..and i want it to be there forever..

oh why am i bothering?

you're confused? oh i AM confused.

2008-02-28T07:41:00.003+08:00

22.02.08

wish to say no more.
some things,
may be harmless,
yet can feel so cruel at times.

:: 11.07 pm ::

i fear.
not because of what will happen,
but because of what has happened before,
and the impacts it would bring again
this time round.
its no much different from being dead.

2008-02-22T00:44:00.005+08:00

quoted;
i didn’t noe back den,
that believing is really a battle.
i didn't noe back den,
that even though there isn't a day that doesn't break,
if you don't wake up,
the morning nv comes.
& even if ure awake,
there are nights that never break.

*if only something could describe the pain*

2008-02-21T15:16:00.005+08:00

this week has been eventful..
too eventful to be exact..LOL

final presentation was on monday..
i dont think i did badly,
but i dont think i did very well also.
nvm! the most important thing is,
ITS OVER!!!
but if school's over,
it also means we're all gonna get separated again.
& we'll all drift apart.....somehow..
i dont want that =(
hope no one forgets me too =S

anyway, made a trip with yi back to ITS ytd,
for our interview...
nth much really..just ask a few qnss regarding pay..
then hear him talk abt we being the frontline people
for the 3rd time since my attachment..
LOL it was funny seriously..
and we more or less already got the job,
pending a medical which is going to happen.............
smtime next wk..*worries*

he initially wanted us to start on the 1st (mar)..
but we requested for d 17th n he agreed..
so yeahh..WORK!!!
dont know which team he will throw me into yet..
but i hope its back to eve's team..
though i think d poss of that happening is pretty slim
with the reshuffling of teams and everything.
i wonder who r the ones nyp will send to ITS for their attachment.
im hoping its someone i know!!
wakaka..

poor jessie....
no holidays for u..
tsktsk..
but nonetheless, happy workin!!! LOL
see u sometime at OASIS =D

on to another topic....
yesterday, i was typing a sms..
asking what's the occupation n company name..
look at how much a failure i am,
not even knowing the occupation..zzzz
*guilty*
& sudd i realised i had unknowingly
started the sms with smth i havent type in almost 3 years..
kinda gave myself a shock..
=S

i hope there wont be any repeat of last night's events..
seriously im too ********* for my own good -.-
i gave my reasons,
and whether to accept them,
its for you to decide..
blame me scold me if you want,
maybe i do deserve it.

2008-02-20T00:56:00.007+08:00

im at a complete loss, seriously.

i dont know what to do next.
i dont know what i should say.
i know its partly my fault too.
shouldnt have assumed it was all just a joke.

cant seem to stop right now.
i feel like i always seem to let people down.
is it true?
am i that bad?
but i didnt do it on purpose.
really didnt.
i didnt know it would turn out this way too.

im sorry, really very sorry.
='((
*heavy head, heavy heart*

2008-02-18T22:06:00.003+08:00

final presentation is finally over!
but somehow it doesnt feel any special.
its just like every other day.
maybe its becoz of the lack of exams.
makes it feel like we already graduated
from school ever since the last semester.

planned to hang out till very late 2mr nite.
but interview's early in the morning the next.
irritating.
i dont want to start work so soon.
hopefully can start april??

at least it'll be after my **.
if im going for it that is.
dont even know the exact date yet.
dont even know the chances of success.
dont even know what MAY happen before that.
dont even know what will happen after that.
its quite scary to feel that lack of control of everything.
everything's just me, & i have to face it myself.

loads of crap that has been on my mind for so long.
surrounded by people and friends,
but somehow it still feels...............
lonely.

maybe today was a mistake.
seeing you,
i realise nothing has changed.
*happy=))*

2008-02-15T07:33:00.002+08:00

crashing........

2 days of no sleep.

i dont know why i worry that much.
should i in the first place?

helpppp...someone...anyone.....

2008-02-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year!
i'm sending my regards from batam..
hoho..

i'm surprised there's even wireless here,
but of course i'm connecting to it illegally
through my laptop....
imagine bringing laptop on a holiday to do my ppt.
-.- -.- -.- what a new year..
so yupp..

the signal strength's very low,
so i may get disconnected anytime,
and the speed's damn slow...
but hey,
i'm not complaining....
at LEAST there is still internet.. @.@

gotta go...
happy new year once again!! =)

2008-02-04T01:03:00.000+08:00

they say time heals.
i say,
not for everything,
not everytime.

not when every small stuff
reminds you of everything.

not when your right to see anyone anyday anytime you want,
is restricted by dumb papers.

not when you see people you wanna put to shame,
but cant cause your mum doesnt allow you to.

not when everytime you see a particular word,
it reminds you of how it makes you feel like youre
just another non-living object.

not when somebody makes a bad choice,
but youre made to shoulder the consequences.

not when something is so near, yet so far.

feel my frustration.
everything sucks.
everything really sucks.

& im stuck in shit i didnt sign up for.

2008-01-26T01:23:00.000+08:00

its the time again.
when you have to start thinking of whatever you wanna do next.
pri n sec school was easy.
study, graduate, find another school,
& the cycle repeats.
not much of a headache.

attachment is coming to an end soon,
just when you've gotten used to everything.
which is quite irritating in a sense.
i really really wanna go back there,
but the familiar faces there will be gone real soon.
i think they were all waiting for 1 person to make d first move,
and then you see the rest following suit.
its like dominoes falling.................lol

actually to say the truth,
there are only 3 options after graduation.
work, or study...i'll name the last one later on.
then you start thinking,
what do i want to work as?
how much pay should i ask for?
what if no one wants to employ me?
will i stick to the job for long?
will i be working too much for too lil money?
which uni should i go to?
what course should i take?
what if i take this course, and i realise i dont like it?
what if i take this course, and end up doing something else?
OR.........
is it just me thinking too much?
ROFL

and there's the last option,
my ultimate dream,
to do....NOTHING!!!!!
and still have money rolling in.
muahahahaha..
well, its a dream after all right?
haha

aiya, its troublesome.
its all so troublesome.
too many questions,
too many factors,
i dont know.
its quite dumb actually huh.
why make all these plans for the future,
when you dont even know how tomorrow will be?
life is THAT unexpected isnt it.

nonetheless, a decision will have to be made.
but not yet,
not just yet.
ask me again in a month,
maybe i'll have an answer then.
study,....or work.......?

till then,
off to bed.
nighty nights!

*have you ever remembered a scene so vividly,
that after many years,
its still feels like its happening right in front of your eyes?*