Monday, October 30, 2006

life seems pretty messed up now.. hmm..

everythin's been cleared up..

but somehow that didnt affect me as much as i tod it would..

jus a few tears and tt's it..

nt lik the other time..

i feel sad...yes i do..but its mostly siann..

in a few yrs time, im sure we'll be able to jus laugh abt all this..

n i jus hope tt nth will change btw us..

im confident it wouldnt..

u noe u can still depend on me..

trust me..confide in me..talk to me..

coz i'll always care, and i'll always be here for u as long as im alive..

i'll make u happy, as best as i can ok ?

am i an important fren to u ?

coz all the laughs, all the fun moments btw us..

has made u a very special fren i nv ever wan to lose..

forever

*1517* -hugs- =))

seeing u so sian, i wish i could do smth..

jus any bloody thing so tt u wun b so sian..

coz it gets on my nerves sometimes..

zzz..

i dun wan to get upset wit u..

but ur sian-ness is makin me sian also..

so sian tt sometimes i dun even feel lik talkin to u

coz everythin i say seems to make it worse

n i dun wan tt to happen

i duno wad to say to u..

tell me wad can i do..

to make u feel better..

fug everythin..

zzz..

Sunday, October 29, 2006

there is one question, ive been debatin with myself since long ago. do i wan to continue lyin or do i wan to tell the truth ? n i wonder why didnt i jus tell the truth right from the beginnin ? on one hand, its because it was easier tt way, coz then ppl wud nt ask qns and i didnt felt lik explainin anythin to anybody anyway. but most importantly, it wasnt smth i was proud of and i couldnt bring myself to talk abt it either.

but as time passed, it occurred to me that it jus wasnt right..do i wan to kp lyin all thru my life ? do i wan to create more lies jus to cover up the old lies ? actually i shudnt say its lyin, its jus lik a cover-up for the truth. or is that the same ? 0.o

and sometimes, when ppl ask me smth, i find tt im dumbfounded.. im nt sure wad to answer them.. coz if i say smth which doesnt quite fit wit wad i said the last time, it will jus create more qns.. and then wad ? and den one day, im sure somebody will somehow discover the truth..and then i'll be lik a fly in a spider's web..

n tdy's events kinda bring back memories of my past tt i've kept secret abt these 2 yrs.. they say time heals everythin, but this pain is smth time has nt been able to take away..somehow, it still feels like everythin jus happened ytd.. ive nv been really happy since tt happened, n tts the partial cause of the depressin msn nicks which many ppl had asked me abt..zzz

it still hurts to talk abt wad happened, budden im tired of covering up the truth everytime someone asks smth.. so from nw on, im goin to tell the truth.. i tink it'll be interestin to see their reaction too..hmm =S

the things tt happened today, is like a hard slap on the face confirming the reality tt wad happened, has happened..and there's no point of me harbourin any more hopes tt things will one day return to be the same as last time, before that happened. it hurts to know that, it really does.

every nite is goin to be a long nite from nw on. i need the strength to carry on.

Friday, October 27, 2006

first of all, happy belated bdae liannn !! this post is one day late.. lolll.. we kinda 'celebrated' her bdae one day in advance..went to vivo !! ahha.. at first asked a no. of ppl to go also, but later in the end only me n lian go.. rofll.. anyway, at first glance, the place didnt look very big.. but as we went along, there were a lot of small alleys everywhere leadin to even more shops..hidden passages sia !! lolll.. first we went to candy empire..looked at sweets !! omg they had starbursts !!!!!! wanted to buy..budden......no $$$ laaa..hahaha.. mus one day pull mama go buy..=x.. after tt, we went to a lot of restaurants !! rich right us..no laa..is go see their menu nia..hhaaa..and the prices..freaking damn ex laa.. -_- walk arnd for a while le, bought tixs for deathnote and keith came to join us..

he was in this super highhhhh mood la..tho why i dunno..loll..walked arnd somemore den we decided to get some food..went to the foodcourt on the 3rd lvl..WAHHH I TELL U TT PLACE IS.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.. unless u get an allowance of lik 100bucks a wk, or ure so super hungry or thirsty n may die soon, nv nv eat there..i tink i paid for the cheena songs more than i paid for the food..ROFLLL..if u hav too much cash, den feel free to eat there..oh i forgot to say, we saw betty n isaiah too! haha..

after lunch, me, lian and keith, we went to look at the sea..dat place very nice..n it had tt foggy(more lik hazy but...wadeva) feelin somemore..omggg...one day, im goin to go in the nite..tink with the lights and all, under the moon and stars, cfm even nicer !! =DD as our (i mean mine..LOL) hairs got more messed up more, we decided to go for more window shoppin b4 the movie started..n keith bought a very big bag..ahaha..aww i wan a sister lik his too !! sobs..lolll.. by this time tho, our legs were already achin le..too big le la tt place !! lolll.. and tt lian !!! everytime we walked pass this watch shop called 'Sincere', she will tell me, 'that shop older than my dad by * yrs (im nt goin to say the no., later her dad come sue me..=x).' hahaha and we walked pass that shop lik 4 times ? loll..poor me, but still funny..*pengzz*

with lik arnd 1/2 hr more to spare, we went to the cinema area, found seats to sit on, observed a disgustin couple, n saw a cute guy (but he had tt cheena accent..aww wasted sia..haha).. when it was time to go in, we went to buy food.. ZZZZ first time i go watch movie, carry all the food till so xin ku !!!! =S.. keith had 2 big plastics with him, so his hands were lik full already.. so between me and lian, we had to tink of a way to hold a nachos, 2 jumbo hotdogs, 1 cheese hotdog, and 3 drinks.. so in the end, keith took the nachos, i took the 3 hotdogs and lian took the 3 drinks.. comical k !!! coz we 3 were lik all screamin, walk faster walk faster !! d things goin to drop !! bth.. loL..and poor lian endin up wit freezin hands..ROBL..heng nv kanna frostbite !! =xX and after movie, we all went home. loll..

loll..im glad it was a nice surprise for u =))..guess i finally had some gd news for u, on ur bdae somemore !! ahah..though it was nth much, but i hope u liked ur present (or presents)..wakaka..=D

*a --- would haven been nice..hmm =l*

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

hmm was tinkin of things today, and 1 particular thought jus wud nt go away.. men will always be better than women. tt i admit.. but the thing is, women can hold their court as men as well..im nt sayin all women can, but im sure some can ! lets take for example when a female plays against a man in a game, ppl will say, 'aiya, of coz the man will win la..' but when the game is finished and the man has lost to the woman, ppl will say, 'bu ke nen de..impossible !' sometimes i really would lik to slap these ppl across the face and say, 'wake up idiot, the world has changed.' so stop thinkin women will forever lose to men k.. we may nt beat them at their game, but at least we tried, and glad to say, some of us has succeeded. =D

its funny how humans take a long time to love, but jus a min to hate. i cant stand this person's attitude.. bloody hot-tempered.. and sometimes it seems lik jus a lil thing will make this person angry.. im uneasy every time this person's around, coz u jus nv noe when is this person goin to get angry.. i dun lik this kind of ppl, coz u'll forever feel uncomfortable arnd them.. they jus tend to make ppl feel at unease.. or issit jus me ? zzz..

im possessive, and im not afraid to admit it.. are all leos possessive ? hmmm.. i tend to be even over-possessive at times.. and i tink this makes ppl unhappy with me ba.. lolll.. i fear bein abandoned, or replaced by someone else.. and when i get the feelin tt someone is tryin to take the thing tt matters to me away from me, im prepared to put up a fight.. nw ure warned, hands off.. see no touch, touch no see(no touchin !!!)..see and touch, i ignore u.. LOLL.. right now, i feel my place's bein threatened. grrr :'(

-end of ranting post-

*i wonder if u find me annoying at times. hmm*

Sunday, October 22, 2006

time doesnt flies. it sprints. much like a supersonic jet..19 more days..and thats the end i guess..zzz

was kinda ponderin whether i shud ask..but i dun tink i will..zzz but still.....AHHH !! duno lar..time's runnin out also ? nt much use wishin..actually i dun expect much also..n if im not comin back anymore, den.......ok..forget it..-_-

very very very sian diao k..as the days counts down, it gets even worse..wth laa..

I SHALL BE HAPPY. cause i believe you will be in good hands..n..n.....tho i wan to believe that the world evolves arnd me, but i noe it really doesnt..

ok this sucks. zzz

*If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you*

Friday, October 20, 2006

5 more mins to 20th oct !! haha tho i tink by the time i finish typin this entry already 20th oct le..rofl..jus recently i told someone y this day means so much to me.. n he said its interestin why tt i wud rmb it..coz ppl usually dun..hahaa..guess im nt a normal person den..meBBe i used to be from another planet..ROFLL..anyway, no matter what happens either now or in the future, if we're nt talkin anymore or jus forgot each other, this day will forever remain special..=)

Thursday, October 19, 2006

This is an ancient story about a rabbi, his wife and their twin boys who were very loved by their parents. The boys died while the rabbi was away on a trip and knowing how deeply the man loved his children the wife decided not to tell him until he returned and had fortified himself with a nice meal.

Throughout the evening the man asked for his sons repeatedly and whenever he asked where the boys were the wife would just reply “They are away from home now.”After the meal the wife asked her husband to help her with a problem she had.

She asked him “if you were lent two precious jewels and told you were allowed to enjoy them as long as they were in your keeping, would you be able to argue when the lender asked for their return?”

Of course the husband answered “certainly not!”After his answer the wife led her husband to the bedroom where the two boys lay and said, “God wanted his jewels back.”

nice story !!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

was talkin to ppl online, and suddenly felt this deep sense of hatred for this person.. but im sure this will blow over by tmr.. but even when i hate this person, im chattin to this person.. i jus cant seem to stop myself from typin.. meBBe its jus my moment of madness..

1 more day to 20th !! n 22 more days to 10th !! am i supposed to be =) or =( ?

i hate tt hatred will go away by tmr..zzz

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

oct20th (3 days time!!)..a day special to me, n me only..n it also means this time, its really really impt..didnt expect it to reach 1 yr..hmm

nov10th..zzz shall say nth at this time..but shud b a happy n sad day ba..

im happy to say the gloominess in me has lifted a bit & tdy jus wasnt as bad as ytd..todae was the last day of his 'existence'..im sry for nt bein there n i hope u understand y..now he's really gone to a better place, n became god's angel as i like to call them nowadays..

tdy was an ok day.. lian reached my hse at arnd 1+..n guessed my frame of sand had an off day today, it jus wasnt bein spectacular..loll.. den my mum sent us to sch ! wakaka.. so nice sia, and is she ownself offer de..=D.. den we had lab til 4..quite borin lab tho..after tt went amk for brunch n pool !! after tt we all went home..

i find myself carin less n less..dere are some things tt used to bother me alot..but nw, things jus dun bother me as much.. m i gettin tired of tryin n wishin ? are you ? coz u kinda scare me sometimes too.. n i dunno wad i shud do, or not do.. haizzz lets jus ignore each other for a day or two.. =S

Monday, October 16, 2006

i haven't been who im supposed to be this few days..

im jus not my usual self n i know that..

too many things are happening all at the same time..

i guess i need time..

*sometimes i feel lik i jus cant breathe*

Sunday, October 15, 2006

saw this on a blog..its sweet..

Dying person: will u love me till the day i die ?

Person 2: no i won't....

Person 2: i'll love u till the day I die..

awww ? =)

for william

12-10-06

take care my dear fren..

*cancer is a forbidden word for now*

i wonder what am i doing up at these hours. i shud b slpin..grrr.. the morph's makin me drowsy, but i jus cant slp.. i actually think its a bad idea to be on morph really.. tt 'light, empty mind' feelin isnt really pleasurable..

and sure, its doin it's job but not 100% though, d pain's still there zzz.. n there's the risk of gettin addicted.. urgh.. i feel lik jumpin in frustration but i cant do it right now..

*ARGH*

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

omg im feelin so full..rofl.. went to watch world trade centre wit my mum this morn at 11.15am.. nice show !!! worth every cent we paid for the tixs.. a story abt hw 2 firemen are rescued from the rubble of the collapsed twin towers, wit their families at home worryin abt whether they are still alive.. d touchin part is when d families finally get news tt the 2 man are alive, though trapped.. diff to describe tt feelin here la.. WATCH IT NOW !!

after tt, met lian at 2.15 at toa payoh den went to far east to walk arnd.. didnt buy anythin coz nth to buy..lol.. den after tt went over to cine, met farhan, waited for keith den went to watch stay alive.. okok lar d show, gruesome and the sound effect very gd..loll.. movie ended le den we walked arnd while decidin wad to eat for dinner (either nyny, pastamania, swensens or subway).. n we stood in front of the pastamania pricin board for so long laaaaa, but in the end nv eat.. loll.. farhan can only eat after 7, so we decided to go heeren's.. walked arnd aimlessly again, played with lights HAHA.. heeren seems to be gettin quite borin, duno y also.. loll.. 6.30 we went over to swensens where we waited so bloody long for my breaded chicken to come.. lolll.. dinner done, went to taka, to eat again !! alamak.. we're all goin to expand sideways sia.. zzz.. im fat enuff le la !! rofll.. 8pm left taka and went home !!! =D quite a fun day actually, tho we din do much..haha..

20th oct, fri...its comin real soon.. n when tt day comes, it'll be one yr le.. shud i =) or shud i =( ? LOLL.. im sure if ppl knew wad day is it, they will definitely be puzzled by why i will rmb such a day.. but i duno y myself.. -_- mebbe i jus feel lik rmbin it, to remind myself ? 0.o duno lar..hahaha.. i nv tod it will be so long also..hmmm

next impt date, 18th nov, sat.. this is wad she said, 'im sry, but we hav to leave, to start life anew, n let the unwanted memories fade.' wudnt be back for 2 yrs at least.. oh gosh why is this happenin.. whyy.. i feel lik ive lost purpose in life again.. when its time to let go, no matter hw hard, its time to go.. holdin on will only make it harder to leave.. 2 yrs..i need to convince myself it'll be fast.... someone tell me it'll be fast.. zzz

*if i nv came, we'll nv hav met, if we nv met, it'll be so easy to leave. but nw tt we've met, its so difficult to leave..is forgettin everythin an option ?*

Monday, October 09, 2006

hw to spot a despo from a non-despo.. its very easy !! lolll a despo, after u reject them, will b able to find another person VERY soon.. very soon as in lik 1 or 2 days after u reject them.. so no matter hw much they say they love u, its all jus bullshit..and oh.... dun even believe things they say, lik..i feel lik cryin, im gonna cut myself.. a perfect answer to these kind of sentences would be, 'go cut all u wan, cry all u wan.' coz why ? i jus dun pity despos.. usually despos, will lik out of the blue suddenly confess their love for u.. they dun sms u, dun call u, n POOF !!! suddenly they are in love wit u.. friggin nonsensical nonsense..

and even when u noe they are despos, u wun tell them u tink so but then u'll be tinkin lik..nvm, still can be frens.. den they'll tell u stuffs lik, oh i very tired, coz last few days go out with my stead (d one they met for only 1 day or a few days and got tgt..damn despo).. den u, out of politeness wud say, oh im happy for u.. den their reply: yeah we went out den held hands and hug each other.. OHHHH, i geddit.. so now im supposed to get jealous of you ? HAHA ure naive u noe.. despo and naive.. and then, u'll ask...oh hw u 2 noe each other de ? hw long hav u known each other le.. NOW, they wun reply u.. its as simple as tt..

if thats not called despo, i dunno wad its called le.. thank god, im not stupid..

smth happened ytd in the car on the way to centrepoint after pickin up ah ma.. zzz

didnt do much tdy..met lian at 1pm den go wen qing hse watch some short movies, played kong kong (-_- lOLLL) den 6.15 went home..=D borin borin.....anyone free tmr ? hahaa

* "yes u ****(know) me".. inside joke ROBL..*

Saturday, October 07, 2006

ah yi !! shen ri-belated-kuai le.. lOLL.. ytddddddd, 7 of us (me, yan, eve, bing, keith, vin and yi) went out to celebrate wanyi's bdae..kk..nt celebrate, coz no cake so shud say is treat her eat lunch !!

met my lian at 1.15pm, den we went heeren's to shop.. lian wanted to go wallet shop, but tt shop gone le..loll..reminds me of my mummy, everytime she suggest place to eat, den later we reach there, the stall cfm guarantee chop is either closed tt day, or already closed down le.. ROFLL.. kk back to the topic..loll.. psst lian, ure nt supposed to tell everyone on ur blog tt we bought yi's present on tt day itself de.. but anyway, since u already said it le, den okieee, we bought yi's present only on the day of her bdae itself..lolll.. cute eh the present !! almost wanted to buy one for myself..lolll..

den the guy asked us wan to wrap not, we say ok..den we go choose the wrappin paper tt time only see the front nv see the back coz usually the back nth de ma.. den the guy wrap halfway le lian suddenly say to me, 'eh i tink the wrapper behind got thing de eh..' -_- i was lik, omg.. but luckily when i go see is stars nia la... later got wad 'get well soon' or duno wad words de den cham...hahaha..

den lian hor !! very bad.. we come up escalator tt time she see the sakae sushi... den tempt me also..rofll.. but we nv ate there la, in the end walk finish le 3 plus went to centrepoint cold storage buy sushi !!! wakaka.. den the 2 of us, bian walk bian eat.. very the mei shui zhun... imagine 2 gals walkin on the streets, stuffin sushis into our mouths in broad daylight.. LOLL.. =pP but since sushi is nice, mei shui zhun also nvm la..ROBL...

supposed to meet the other 5 at 3.30pm de, but in the end they late, with the exception of the bdae gal..lolll.. so me n lian went to sit at the staircase.. pig sia she !! eat 5 sushi le, den sit on the staircase to eat her 2 california handrolls.. 2 k !!!! lollll.. eh...i first time noe tt staircase go down there is pizza hut.. sua ku hor..lolll.. n to tink orchard used to be my 2nd home..*ah sia suay !!!*

den in the end when the rest reach tt time, kanna shocked by my lao po(eve) de hair siaa.. coz she go perm hair den the effect quite shockin sia.. lollll but also nt very ugly la..(mus say not ugly, or else later kanna scolding)..EH JK !! really nt ugly laa..xi guan jiu hao le.. so dun worry k lao po !! =D

den we went for lunch at pizza hut.. lian hor, so small size can squeeze so much food in.. 5 sushi, 2 handroll, and 3 big slices of pizza !!! i secretly tink she has an extra stomach somewhere in her body sia.. ok....i tink its nt so secret nw le, since i said it out already..=D rofll.. after tt went to catch u, me and dupree.. hilarious, annoyin and touchin also..loll.. n i still cant stop starin at owen wilson's nose everytime i watch his shows.. tink he bang into walls too many times le ba..=X after movie end, den jiu go home le..

reach yewtee mrt tt time, kanna shocked 2nd time tt day sia... whole place so hazy.. den i told lian meBbe yewtee there got fire or wad.. hahhaa i is jokin de siaaa !! hw i noe tdy i read newspaper, really got fire sia.. but is in btw yewtee and kranji there de factory.. still fire right....im zhun, thank you.. =xXx robl... note: end of post.. lolll..

*tks for stickin by me, and not lettin ppl's words affect this frenship..i appreciate it..coz i say le, if ure not scared, den i too, will nv be..=)) -hugs-*

woke up early in the morn this morn and went to orchard, reached arnd 9 for breakfast and den 10.30 left centrepoint to go to tiong bahru to attend funeral.. mum's fren's mum tdy 'chu bing' le.. mummy says the last time we went club med in malaysia with their family, d aunty got go wit us...but really dun rmb le.. hmm.. i seriously hate the mandai crematorium viewin hall where a machine rolls out the coffin and into the incinerator.. d scene very heartbreakin esp. when u see all the family members standin in front there cryin.. i havent had anyone closely related to me pass away before *touch wood*, so i cant say for sure hw the family members feel..

the only time i cried at a funeral was when ganma's mum passed away.. we had went wit her on holidays a few times.. and she's seriously a very very very nice woman.. i wun mind havin her as my ah ma at all.. lol.. mummy says usually if a very 'ci xiang' person passes away, will rain very heavily.. n i rmbed on the days of her funeral right to the chu bing day, everyday was raining DAMN heavily.. not rainin, but i shud say pourin damn heavily and miraculously after her body was rolled into the incinerator, it stopped raining.. 0.o so i guess wad mummy says is true ba.. a final farewell fit for a queen, a queen lik her.. :)

*R.I.P aunty...*

Thursday, October 05, 2006

i have no complaints..

i made my choice, u made yours.

let's stick to it yeah..

*i didnt expect it to hurt, but it did..hmm nvm*

this post is dedicated to you.. honoured ? hahaa.. first things first, i guess i shud congrat u.. lol.. kk actually i dun really noe wad to say =S.. anyway, im glad uve moved on, and i tink we've both did..there's always a first step to everythin and this is it man.. everythin will be fine from nw on..i tink ? haha.. treasure everythin u hav nw k ? -huggiess- =)

*sweet memories will forever be sweet..*

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

look at that...wth..first time see this sia..ROFL..or issit i noob ? 0.o ahhaa that name is in use..pls choose another... O_O WTH..

ok first things first, i admit ytd de joke nt funny..only 2 ppl noe why laa..hmm.. i really tried writin letters of farewell sia.. but write le first few sentences i jiu type bu xia qu le.. haizz.. i tink if one day any of my frens send me a farewell letter, i'll really cry my heart out sia..ROFLl.. only IF i got receive la.. hahaa.. n i'll also hate tt fren.. coz nv even say byebye and jus leave and expect me to be contended wit a bloody letter..LOLL..

kk lets talk abt ytd.. dun b surprised if my entry is almost identical to my lian de..lolll..wad u expect... went wit my lian to lot1.. say wan go walk walk see see, in the end is walk 1 lvl and in the end go read book..ROFLLL.. read wad books leh ? horoscope and those zodiac de.. CAN LAUGH TILL DIE I TELL U.. im not supposed to say wad we read, coz my lian will kill me.. CGC (cfm guarantee chop)...=DD.. and i realised, some parts of wad they say abt leos, totally dun describe me at all.. hmm.. makes me wonder whether m i really a leo..lolll.. esp. the part abt leos are natural leaders and lik to be in the limelight.. but i hate bein in the limelight la !!!! n im not a natural leader also..rofl.. if i lead troops to battle, i tink i will lead them to their graves more lik.. =X.. loll if its true tt leos love bein in the limelight, den why do i hate presentations so much.. =D

the part i find true, is the one sayin that leos love to live a good and lavish life.. n tt leos will usually spare no expenses in buyin things for ppl who are impt to them, esp ppl they love.. and also, seein that these ppl love the gifts, it makes the leo feel happy too.. ohh ya.. n the book advised leos not to be too bossy or boastful in the yr 2007.. hahahaa.. so ppl, if next yr im too bossy or boastful, PLS SCOLD ME K... tell me off.. i dun care.. jus scold me...=pP

did i mention leos are supposed to be courageous ? *ahem* wo yi dian dou bu courageous de k..rofl..every lil thing i also scared de..oops, nw u ppl noe.. LOLL

eh..i strayed from the original topic..rofl..kk den after popular, went lib coz lian wanted to borrow books.. she hor, speak to the bro so fierce..n machiam treat the lib as her house..TALK SO LOUD !!! roflll.. so much so i had to grab a book and pretend to read it, usin it as a screen to hide my face...ok..jus jk !! =D after tt went ntuc for sushi...den old chang kee for....erm.....food... lOLLL after tt pei lian go home.. den i went home too.. initially wanted go orchard find my mum one..but in the end lazy..lolll..

den at nite......i got surprised..or shud i say i got a shock..loll.. heng this time nt lik tt time tt one.. =X if nt i really can go die..lolll im nt goin to elaborate anymore le.. =pP

bye ppl.. *cute ? no.. very cute ? nooooo.. is very very cute..=D*

Monday, October 02, 2006

lolll I STEPPED ON A FREAKING LIZARD.. AND KILLED IT.. so ppl, dun worry pls..i aint no killed nobody.. lollll..but i worry abt myself.. coz i tink of the lizard and vomitted dunno hw many times le..collapsing soon.. *collapse*...LOL...=x

hmm maybe i'll make ur wish come true ? maybe i'll make u nt so impt to me from nw on.. but u noe wad ? if i make u nt so impt anymore, i'll drift away from u.. and us away from each other.. i dun wan tt to happen, and im sure (or i hope im sure), neither would u.. enuff said.. -hugs- =))

hahaaa a few wks back, i brought 1 more person into my innermost circle of trust.. LOL.. and he was shock tt i wasnt close to this person, A who he tod i was close to.. hmm dunno hw to explain la.. but i jus cant seem to tell A anything.. dunno why also.. coz a lot of ppl also think we very close.. we too pro le la.. pro dao can gif ppl tt impression.. LOL.. maybe one day i will be able to open up to A.. if A chooses to listen tt is.. coz i dun mind tellin anyone anythin, as long as they dun mind listenin..

thinkin back, if i were to blog everythin abt me right here right now, i dunno hw many ppl will be shocked la.. lolll.. coz there's so much so many ppl dunno abt me.. LOLL.. only 1 person can claim to noe EVERYTHING abt me ba.. n im not referrin to any one of my relatives.... yeah maybe.. maybe one day i'll blog abt it.. but nt now.. LOOLL...man man wait k.. =D

end of post.... *im glad everythin worked out right =))*

omg omg omg.. whyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!

i hate my mum. ahhhhhh. whhhyyyy. if only she didnt call me, if only i didnt go to the kitchen, if only i hadnt pick tt exact time to go to the kitchen, if only i hadnt stepped or rather, stomped on her, if only..................AHHHHH !!!!!! *expletives* if only i hadnt turned back to look, if only i hadnt saw tt she was motionless.. den i wudnt hav screamed, den i wudnt hav felt so disgusted, den i wudnt have felt lik vomittin, den i really wudnt have VOMITTED.

nw she's dead.. there are only qns's left.. why didnt she run ? wad the hell was i tinkin at that time ? did i really stepped on her tt hard tt caused her death ? qns qns and MORE QNSSSS !!!!!! and no ansssss !!!! ARGHHH !!!

my mind's a blank..d only thing i can tink of is the way she jus lied there, motionless.. i didnt looked if she was dead.. coz i jus knew it.. she didnt move, not at all.. spent a few hrs huddled on one corner of the bed, leavin it only whenever a wave of nausea hit me.. im a murderess nw.... i murderedddddd...RIGHT IN MY OWN HOME....OMFG.. i need to be left alone for nw..

i cant stop cryin...to tink i murdered...someone save me pls.. i cant stop the tears..