Friday, February 11, 2011
my life is in the pits right now......zzzzzzz
on a lighter (and more sinister) note: that slice of honeydew my mum bought ytd was so tasteless and unsweet, that even the ants that have been invading my table the last few days ignored the plastic bag (which i had forgotten to throw away) the honeydew was in...... -.-
HOW NICE.... lolll
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
all of a sudden,
i just miss your hugs sooooo much more..
:)
Saturday, February 05, 2011
i just recently realised im quite allergic-ic. for the past 2 years, i have been feeling unwell most of the time with a painful stomach. at first i thought it was just a temporary thingy, but last year, it seemed to get worst. almost everyday after dinner, i will feel all this gas welling up inside my stomach, and sometimes its so bad that it causes sharp, piercing cramps.
one would think with all the gas inside, i will fart alot, but weirdly i dont, its either i will keep burping (luckily it doesnt smell at all, if not my cousins will be screaming at me everyday) or it gets trapped there, and i can literally hear my stomach rumbling loudly as the gas moves around, kinda sounds like the noises your stomach makes when you're hungry. though burping is irritating in its own way, i dont mind it at all, since the gas thats trapped makes me feel nauseous and very uncomfortable instead, especially when it nears bedtime since its so uncomfortable i cant get to sleep, which further exacerbates the problem. interestingly, drumming my fingers on my tummy creates this really really hollow sound...
i attribute all the gas generated to the cold weather, and certain gas-creating food, especially onions, which my cousin loves, and hard to avoid since they cook it in almost EVERY other dish. i try to dig them out whenever there are big pieces and just ignore the small pieces, but since it has been cooked in the food, it doesnt lessen the gas, or my pain in any way. i dont want to deny them of their onions because of me, so i chose to say that i don't eat onions, when basically, the truth is that i dont want to eat it cause i know it will cause me pain afterwards. even if they offer to cook an un-onioned portion for me, or reduce the amount of onions they use, i will still refuse their offer cause it just makes me uncomfortable troubling them like that, especially since its one of their most favourite food.
finally decided to go get it checked out last week, and the doctor said that i had a sensitive digestive system, namely sensitive stomach and sensitive intestines which is causing this whole problem. i dont really know how to tell them that i cant take onions since now they will just think that im creating this problem and saying i cant take onions just because i dont like it. i think maybe ill just tell them that they can continue cooking their onions, and ill just get something else to eat, or eat the dishes without onions. hmmm..
HAIz..
as for my dermographism, i think.....sadly....i may have to give up my favouritest prawns soon.. :((
Thursday, February 03, 2011
since i have been able to accept her, i hope that the rest will be able to, no matter how much they dont like the way things are now..even i dont really want this, but at this moment in my life, im willing to embrace it, and maybe, i already have.
no matter how much we all wish things could go back to how it was, but since its not to be, then i pray that they will welcome her with open arms too..seeing that she doesnt speak fluent english, its hard to communicate somehow but i just wish they will not ostracise her..or dislike her for the things she has done..though i was angry that time too, but at the end of the day, a choice has been made, and she's already part of the family.
if i (the one who should be against it the most) am able to accept her, and sympathize with her, i dont see why the others cant do the same. all that i want is for everyone to be happy, and not bear grievances over past matters, and just embrace the future.
at the very basic, this is my own family we're talking about, and all i really want is for everyone to be happy and get along well.
i dont know why, but everytime i see her, i feel....kinda sad..n..pity that she has to step into somebody else's shoes. and a real pity that those shoes are really really big, and really hard to match up to the standard that has been set. the bar has been set high, and im not entirely sure she can even do half of wad has already been done.
maybe its with this feeling that i can empathize with her. maybe i have to make the first step to connect with her, so that the others can see that im alright with it, that they will too, feel easy with her. i know that i will never address her, but as friends? im cool with that.
i really hate this half here half there situation where i have to think of the balance of harmony on both sides. why cant we all move on and be happy???
WHY is it me that has to bear this burden?!!?