there is one question, ive been debatin with myself since long ago. do i wan to continue lyin or do i wan to tell the truth ? n i wonder why didnt i jus tell the truth right from the beginnin ? on one hand, its because it was easier tt way, coz then ppl wud nt ask qns and i didnt felt lik explainin anythin to anybody anyway. but most importantly, it wasnt smth i was proud of and i couldnt bring myself to talk abt it either.

but as time passed, it occurred to me that it jus wasnt right..do i wan to kp lyin all thru my life ? do i wan to create more lies jus to cover up the old lies ? actually i shudnt say its lyin, its jus lik a cover-up for the truth. or is that the same ? 0.o

and sometimes, when ppl ask me smth, i find tt im dumbfounded.. im nt sure wad to answer them.. coz if i say smth which doesnt quite fit wit wad i said the last time, it will jus create more qns.. and then wad ? and den one day, im sure somebody will somehow discover the truth..and then i'll be lik a fly in a spider's web..

n tdy's events kinda bring back memories of my past tt i've kept secret abt these 2 yrs.. they say time heals everythin, but this pain is smth time has nt been able to take away..somehow, it still feels like everythin jus happened ytd.. ive nv been really happy since tt happened, n tts the partial cause of the depressin msn nicks which many ppl had asked me abt..zzz

it still hurts to talk abt wad happened, budden im tired of covering up the truth everytime someone asks smth.. so from nw on, im goin to tell the truth.. i tink it'll be interestin to see their reaction too..hmm =S

the things tt happened today, is like a hard slap on the face confirming the reality tt wad happened, has happened..and there's no point of me harbourin any more hopes tt things will one day return to be the same as last time, before that happened. it hurts to know that, it really does.

every nite is goin to be a long nite from nw on. i need the strength to carry on.