Tuesday, September 18, 2007
mood: dejected.
NEGATIVE POST,
read on only if youve taken ecstacy.
lol
smtimes i just envy those people,
who have d courage, the guts.
i admire them.
i admire them, coz im part of the dumb ones who dont.
theres this invisible string,
pulling me back everytime i walk a tat too far away.
i know i could cut that string,
yet i dont have the heart to do it
& smthing prevents me from doing so.
just like trying to cut stone with a butter knife,
its just impossible smway, smhow.
lol im tired of trying.
i dont regret,
but yeah, gosh am i tired.
tired of being 2nd or even 3rd in everything.
i could never be 1st could i.
haha.
do i want to settle for 2nd best all my life?
i dont know.
usually its fine with me.
but smtimes i mind it alot.
i can feel rather damn negative abt everything smtimes.
or rather most of the time.
but....
maybe i overdid it,
coz i guess there r others who r tired of trying too.
tired of trying to get me to change.
i can just hear the impatience-nesses in their replies.
one side's saying this.
the other's saying that.
im torn between both worlds,
i dont know who to listen to,
or even what to do anymore.
cause everything i do just
seems to turn out to be wrong.
he says its my/his stupidity....
deep down i know he's right,
but i guess im just going to try a little harder tonight,
for many more nights.
try a little harder to understand,
a little harder to accept.
been hanging on too long,
too close to let go right away anyway.
im not asking for a major change.
all i ask for is a little change.
a little effort.
for me?
im not suited to be a LEO.
lions are supposed to be brave.
-.-
Saturday, September 15, 2007
the more i think abt it,
the more angry i am.
the more i DONT think abt it,
the EVEN more angry i am.
evrytime i see that 2 sms, i'll be boiling mad.
it hurts to know there are people out there,
who think im so unreasonable.
that im so blind and stupid,
that im so biased,
that i cant differentiate between right and wrong.
wonder if im really like that?
and even have people decide for me,
what i would be doing, or would do.
but im glad for those 2 smses,
cause after reading it,
i finally know others' opinion of me.
they dont know me inside out,
only 1 person does,
but for some reason, they think they do.
why? i dont know too.
ive never been this angry ever since
that particular PRC decided he cudnt READ
whats WRITTEN on a piece of paper in english
to go present something on the projector.
no prizes for guessing who.
nobody knows what goes on underneath it all.
just because we dont say it, we never show it,
doesnt mean everythin is well.
what you see isnt what you get.
it doesnt mean that just because 2 people are close,
they have to totally agree with everything each does,
just ask how many times has each individual not been happy with
the way some things are handled?
but no, they dont ask.
they just assume people would be doing what they
assumed the person to do.
if you can see the logic,
let me know,
enlighten me,
cause i cant.
and it frustrates me.
even a murder needs proof,
for a murderer to be convicted.
if the police were to assume,
imagine how many people would be hanged by now.
Friday, September 14, 2007
you know the feeling when on one day everything is alright,
but on the next few days, when you dont even know what
is happening yet, yet someone starts being rude to you?
and not only once, but twice? amusing right.
and in the end, you finally know whats the matter le,
apparently it has got nothing to do with you,
you shud just lend a listening ear,
and shudnt stick a foot in to interfere,
but when you think back about the rudeness,
you feel you dont even deserve it at all.
you voice out your anger,
and EUREKA!
people start thinkin youre taking sides.
assumptions are easy to make,
even if the assumptions are really true,
whats the point when theres no proof,
or when it hasnt even happened yet?
if its 100% confirmed that i took sides,
people unhappy with me, i nothing to say.
but now, i HAVENT EVEN say a thing,
people come assume i will take sides le.
you think its fair to me?
pls do not any-o-hw assume things.
its just like what i always say,
my father is chinese and has a moustache.
then must i go assume every man
that is chinese and has a moustache is my father?
makes fuckin sense anot you tell me -.-
if theres smth i really did which offended anybody,
i wudnt hesitate to apologize if im really in the wrong.
anyone want argue my point of view, come straight to me.
but right now, when i dont even know what i did wrong,
yet people are rude to me,
i see no reason for me to smile n be nice,
and pretend im fine with it.
sry, but i dont intend to live my life lik a fuckin idiot.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
wtf do i have to care.
since when has anyone bothered about me.
my words carries no weight,
because why? cause its me ma.
sihan say de things dont need care one la..
haiya....who she think she is.
for nth kanna ppl attitude,
for nth bein treated like a dog.
because why? because again, its only sihan ma.
true, i may not treat everyone super well,
but what have i done wrong huh.
step on your big toe ar?
aiyoooo so sorry leh, so sorry.
-----------
on a diff subject,
theres smthing im unhappy abt.
say out le. also no guarantee things will change,
moreover, cfm will come out more problems.
zzz like that how!!!! -.-
aiya, duno le la.
ren lor ren zzz.
sry for the gloomy entry, but everythin
just sucks big time tonight.
*everythin just makes me want to let go more -.-*
Friday, September 07, 2007
i have no life i have no life i have no life.
and many others too. LOL
0520 wake up (tireddd)
0600 leave house (when rats are still slpin)
0620 take train (see sunrise, so nice)
0650 reach jurong east mrt (so many ppl)
0715 tong tar bus (seldom reaches on time)
jam jam jam to jurong island (look look at BIG BIG tanks. NICE)
0745 reach jurong island checkpt (so many 'ABN' n 'PRC' -.-)
0750 arrive at CPTC (i dun lik their green logo)
CHIONG TO CHANGE INTO PPE (toilet hot ar!!!)
0810 reach class (nv been on time b4 LOL)
1130 lunch (duno y they can nv release us early)
1230 lecture (always wan to fall aslp)
1600 go home (VERY bu san bu si)
2230 SLEEP!!
so no life horrr!!! waliewww..
end at 4, want go out also timing weird.
dont go out go home i nothing do.
ANYBODY WANTS SOME EXTRA TIME???
gt too much time to spare le zzz
on the overall, CPTC still not bad la..
even tho i still dont like their logo =S
at least its more interestin than studyin in sch.
i smhow still wish CPTC could last longer.
think of the need to find a job or study, very sian -.-
and i still duno what the hell m i goin to do after graduation
with such a lame GPA....SIANNN ARRRR..
& i tink im sure to kanna FYP instead of attachment,
SIANNN ARRRR SIANNN ARRRR..
tdy went wit lian to boon lay to buy goggles,
so many 'ABN' again zzz
after tt went to CCK want eat sakae..
but the damn place pian pian no buffet..
WAD SIAAAA..
want let them earn money they also dont want!!!!!
so in d end go eat foodcourt de pepper lunch (or dinner)
den go home. ROFL.
i still hav a mth's (+++) time,
to complete what i want to complete.
hope by then can finish ar!!!
if not then no more surprise.
i will be sad.
pls let me have the time to finish it =/
Monday, September 03, 2007
youre sitting at ur desk,
staring at the com listening to songs,
when the phone rings.
seeing the caller's name,
youre mildly surprised &
ask, why is this person calling?
coz its very rarely that this person calls.
you talk talk talk,
& then you mention that youre busy this wkend
thus you cant go out.
just becoz of this, the person shouts at you
& starts scolding you.
& you cant help but start crying.
deep inside,
you wonder, what have you done wrong,
to be at the receiving end of all the scoldings.
is it wrong to be busy?
den the guilt finds the way to you.
yeahh mebbe ure really in the wrong.
coz you are the one neglecting the person.
as the person rambles on n on,
you begin to think back to the past.
if that person hadnt done anythin wrong,
if that person hadnt left in the first place,
then all these will never have happened.
then you wont have to go through all that uve been thru.
and that person wont be scolding you right now.
& you rmbed hw happy you once were.
when you woke up to hok songs playin on the player,
to the person climbin into ur bed n ticklin u to wake u up,
or when u woke up early,
and brought ur noisy alarm clock over to wake them up.
fun times that only become memories.
memories that you never want to forget,
coz u noe it'll never happen again,
but then, they slowly trickle from ur mind as the yrs pass,
no matter hw hard u try to hold them in.
nt many ppl understand the way you feel.
even less will understand why you cried over a mere scolding.
but the thing is, even tho you can explain, you wont.
=)
0.o o.o o.0
off to bed, its jurong island again early tmr.
noswolleneyestomorrowpls=x