Tuesday, September 18, 2007
mood: dejected.
NEGATIVE POST,
read on only if youve taken ecstacy.
lol
smtimes i just envy those people,
who have d courage, the guts.
i admire them.
i admire them, coz im part of the dumb ones who dont.
theres this invisible string,
pulling me back everytime i walk a tat too far away.
i know i could cut that string,
yet i dont have the heart to do it
& smthing prevents me from doing so.
just like trying to cut stone with a butter knife,
its just impossible smway, smhow.
lol im tired of trying.
i dont regret,
but yeah, gosh am i tired.
tired of being 2nd or even 3rd in everything.
i could never be 1st could i.
haha.
do i want to settle for 2nd best all my life?
i dont know.
usually its fine with me.
but smtimes i mind it alot.
i can feel rather damn negative abt everything smtimes.
or rather most of the time.
but....
maybe i overdid it,
coz i guess there r others who r tired of trying too.
tired of trying to get me to change.
i can just hear the impatience-nesses in their replies.
one side's saying this.
the other's saying that.
im torn between both worlds,
i dont know who to listen to,
or even what to do anymore.
cause everything i do just
seems to turn out to be wrong.
he says its my/his stupidity....
deep down i know he's right,
but i guess im just going to try a little harder tonight,
for many more nights.
try a little harder to understand,
a little harder to accept.
been hanging on too long,
too close to let go right away anyway.
im not asking for a major change.
all i ask for is a little change.
a little effort.
for me?
im not suited to be a LEO.
lions are supposed to be brave.
-.-