Sunday, October 28, 2007
last night....
i had a really truly horrible dream.
smth tt i wish would never happen.
it seemed so real,
& i was so scared
that i almost woke up crying.
zzz..
ahhhhh...
plsplspls...dont let me dream of it again
='(
='(
='(
i'd gladly walk across the desert
with no shoes upon my feet
to share with you
the last bite of bread i had to eat
& thats hw much you matter.
happy birthday to my LIAN!!!!
i mean..belated =x
congratulations for
not being asked for ur ic
when watchin m18 shows!
LOL!
& eat more hor! rofl
see, i dedicated one whole post to you!
(even though very short =x=x)
honoured ba =D
Monday, October 15, 2007
decision(s).
someone once said this.
why should you miss something,
when it already isnt the same thing
that made you miss it in the first place?
i guessed things have changed.
& i no longer expect it to go back to hw it once was.
i was reading my old entries on my old blog the other day.
saw comments from that person that were short, yet sweet.
that made me & still makes me smile as i read them.
to others, it may be nothing at all,
but to me, it was everything.
will i ever see or get those replies again?
i dont know, but i rlly do miss it.
will hoping do any good?
the truth is, smtimes, people are just lik fire & water,
if u want one, u cant have the other.
sure, smtimes you can have both if you can balance it.
but if you cant, then it all depends
on which one is more impt for survival.
pay too much attention to the fire, and put the water aside,
& the water will evaporate.
you dont really expect the water to remain where it was do you?
LOL really dramatic, but doesnt it makes sense?
think abt the old days,
think abt the things that once made me smile,
think abt the sweet memories,
think abt the one that used to be.
im letting go..
but i'll always be waiting.
maybe smday,
maybe smday, youll come back
cause you rlly want to be back.
its my only
smile =) coz tmr will be a better day.
youre lucky..
& i envy you.
Monday, October 08, 2007
whatever i post these few days, weeks, or even mths, is a summary
of all my feelings at that point of time.
sry if all my posts are moody,
coz evidently im not always in a gd mood these days.
for those who asked and cared in some ways or another,
tks alot for tryin to cheer me up.
if i seem unresponsive or ignore u totally, i apologize in advance.
when things are fine, i'll be back to my own self,
tho i dont know when tt will be, but still, tks once again =)
smtimes the feelings r so intense,
i feel i could crush a piece of glass with my bare hands,
but yet still feel no pain.
mad? yeah mad.
tired tired tired tired.
tired of pretending things are alright,
when i all feel like doing is scream n cry.
smtimes i wonder if im asking for too much,
or expecting too much.
i just want to feel appreciated
for the things i do smtimes.
i put in d effort to accept things,
even if it makes me angry or sad smtimes,
yet i dont even noe if ppl even appreciate it.
that kind of feeling, just hw do u describe it.
or is it because i am SUPPOSED to do all that?
0.o
its like smone has put d sun on slow blinkin mode,
smdays my world can be so happy n bright,
but other days it just puts my world is in a state of total darkness.
=/ =/ =/ haiz..
let me drown will you?
let me drown.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
am i thinkin too much again?
i want to think i am, but i guess im not.
this few weeks, ive begun to feel the pressure.
not from only 1 party, but from all sides.
maybe if he didnt say it,
or didnt say it THAT way,
i wouldnt have started thinkin abt it.
zz what a mess =(
i know im not perfect,
& i do make mistakes.
but nowadays, every step i take,
is lik takin a step closer to a pit.
every thing i do just seems to be wrong.
and soon enough,
i'll be all alone in the pit, isolated, abandoned.
i dont want that to happen.
but somehow i dont even know what to do right now.
jus wonderin arnd aimlessly hopin for some answers.
do this, that not happy.
do that, this not happy.
arghhhh...
i know i tend to cling very tightly, even smtimes, blindly
to stuffs impt to me,
& tts only because i noe the feelin of losin smth impt.
but smtimes no matter what you do,
you still end up losin it smhow =/
i wish i cud unload everythin trapped
in my mind n heart onto someone.
but i cant seem to trust like i once did anymore.
except for some who know who they are.
blame the one who walked out
even after given so many chances.
i just wish it was smone else,
& maybe things wud hav been different.
zzz
pressure.
pressure.
im dyin, im dyin, i beg u, pls stop it.
give me sm space to walk, sm room to breathe.
coz the things im doin, im not doin it coz i wan to.
its true, i have a choice.
but sm things i do, i can nv explain it myself.
i know i cud walk away,
but truth is, i cant.
im so sorry,
im so sorry.
='((