Thursday, May 05, 2011
Recent events have got me thinking...When you told me about that thing a few months back, I kind of told myself that I was ok with it, though I also knew the consequences of that. Now, I'm finding it hard to be your friend, not because I'm angry or jealous, but because I knew then that things would change. The plans we made before, I have no idea what to make of it anymore. It's a matter of whether you want or stay here, or you want to go somewhere else. I asked you and you said you don't have concrete plans yet. I'm not sure you know for sure, but my plans will depend on what you decide, and I guess an answer soon would be nice.
It's like a roller coaster ride and it's driving me a tad crazy. There are days when I feel like everything is alright, and there are also days where I find that our friendship is too important to lose, and knowing that once we go our own ways, we'll probably never get to meet again and it isn't a really nice feeling. There's this sense of awkwardness nowadays sometimes, when you and I mention about what we're going to do, and it's like no one wants to state the definite, and the question just hangs in the air. It's like we're afraid that saying something concrete about the future will offend the other. Well, that's my opinion anyway.
I don't really know what to make of the situation and how to rectify it, and that is distracting me from all other matters. I really hope we'll be able to make a decision soon, no matter what happens in the end. The selfish me really hopes you will decide to stay here and stick to our original plan, but I also have to acknowledge that the situation has changed. I will admit I am so afraid of losing you after building up this friendship we have, but the rational part of me concedes that that is a certainty I have to face sooner or later. Maybe I will grow to regret saying this now, but no matter what you decide from now on, I will accept your decision.